We all have that one best friend who we’ve known almost, if not, the entire length of our lives. I’ve known mine since we were both 5 years old. Even when boys and girls had cooties, we still hung around each other. We became so close he started calling my parents “Mom” and “Dad” and he never really stopped. Growing up, he didn’t have the ideal home life, his parents were MIA, so we spent most of our childhood days together. Halfway through middle school (and puberty) I started seeing him in a different light. Our voices weren’t at the same octave, so he had that going for him, but still we were ‘just friends.’ Fast forward to college, he moved away and joined the Marines but we still remained in contact constantly. He visited whenever possible, I wrote to him while we he was in boot camp, I held onto his Marine Corps graduation ring so he wouldn’t lose it. My family and I would send him care packages as often as possible. But then one day, everything just changed. We both started dating people and we slowly eased up on how much we would talk until one day I received a nasty drunken text from my “best friend” accusingly asking why we never hooked up…Hold up, “we’re just friends.”
HA…it’s not possible.
Think about it girls…we love to think that being just friends with a guy is possible, and we are positive that our ‘friend’ doesn’t want to sleep with us because we’re just “really good friends.” But why don’t you try taking a step back for a hot second and really take a look at this platonic yet oh-so complicated friendship. What the hell could he possibly be getting out of this friendship?! If you’re thinking “I don’t know,” and “absolutely nothing,” well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, you’re right!
Girls and guys have completely different outlooks when it comes to what we want in a friend. On one hand (most likely the right) guys consider a friend as someone who will throw back a couple of brewskis with him while watching Sunday night football, go tailgating with him and the bros, play Call of Duty with him on Friday night when everyone else is busy, and someone who will be his wingman at the bar on Saturday night.
While on the other hand girls consider a friend as someone who will go for manis and pedis with us, go shopping just because, grab lunch together on our days off, try on each others clothes while downing a few bottles of wine on a Friday night, and someone to talk on the phone with us when we’re upset. So…exactly how does either one of those friendships sound appealing to the opposite sex?
Ladies, we will never understand the way men think and vice versa. Accept the fact that your “guy friend” doesn’t enjoy being just your friend. He probably thinks of you in ways that will make your jaw drop and turn those pasty white cheeks of yours, BRIGHT. ASS. RED.
Understand that guys are not stupid, well…not completely. They will not waste their time on women unless they think they will be getting something out of it. And for those of you who are still in denial, let me put this in a way you might be able to understand:
IF YOU’RE NOT PUTTING OUT, HE WILL NOT WANT TO PUT UP WITH YOU.
Simple as that. And if you still don’t understand this concept then ask yourself this: If you gave the poor guy a chance to sleep with you or the chance to not cross the line and respect your friendship, which one do you think he would choose? I think we all know what that answer would be. He would more than likely tear your clothes off before you can even finish asking him.
So now you’re wondering what this means for the friendships you have now. Since I’m not getting paid to tell you what to do, this one is all on you babe. But whatever you decide just remember this…as women we tend to have more emotions than any other living organism known to man, so when we cross that line and sleep with them we will more than likely “fall in love” and ultimately think that because we’ve been friends since forever and we know each other so well, it is meant to be. Sorry, but not quite. Once you give it up to him, he’s already gotten all he could ever want from you, so then he moves onto the next one. So in the end, you need to decide what’s worth it: staying “just friends” with someone or taking the chance and ruining it all just to get some ass on a drunken Friday night when the bartender turns you down.
Featured image via Gama. Films on Unsplash
I am truly sorry for you if you feel this way. Men and women can absolutely be friends. Don’t tell people that they can’t be, it only reinforces these conceptions of separateness between men and women which is harmful for our society. Men and women aren’t exactly the same, no, but the differences don’t force us to exclude the other sex. You are reinforcing a notion that all women have to offer men is sex, and all that men want out of women is sex. Please reconsider this article.
This piece was written from my own personal view. I’m glad it’s different for you, but this was solely my opinion.
Wow no offense but you are very naïve. Men and, women can’t be just friends. Not best friends anyway. If a men is trying to be best friends with you, they either want to have sex with you or be in a romantic relationship with you. Why do people hate the truth and, don’t want to accept. The guy friends you probably have are probably just acquaintances, not friends. People throw around the word friend lately too often.
This article is very true it’s just your a guy that’s blinded by your own thoughts girls and guys can’t be just friends because if I like a guy he wants to be just friends the friendship is over so that’s why guys and girls can’t be just friends girls don’t want guy friends
“If you’re not putting out, he will not want to put up with you”?! Seriously???? I don’t understand this notion of why guys and girls cannot exist as just friends. This is just so offensive and disrespectful to both men AND women. You are literally presenting men as pigs who only want sex out of a girl friend and making girls think that they will only ever be seen as a slampiece to their guy friend, and if they ever do “put out” for him then they will lose their best friend, or if they don’t put out for him THEY are the ones torturing the guy. I mean honestly. Do you really think that every one of YOUR guy friends is only thinking of you sexually? Did you ever consider the possibility that maybe they aren’t attracted to you and genuinely want to be your friend? Writing like this is what promotes self-confidence issues especially among girls. How can you possibly be comfortable in a friendship if you are constantly under the impression your friend thinks more of you even when it’s not really true? This is ridiculous.
I’m sorry you feel this way, but like I told Andre, this was solely my personal opinion and I wrote this from experience.
So true. I dated a man. We got along well and he’s said he doesn’t know what he wants. I stopped things cuz I want more. He asked to remain friends. We talk all the time. We flirt still but he will not make this a booty call. I continue to be friends with him but I don’t want to anymore because like I said I want more. But he doesn’t try to sleep with me. In fact, he’s got more control than I do.
You’ve clearly never watched Friends
You’re right. I haven’t.
I don’t agree with this article one bit, and found it slightly offensive. Guys and girls can absolutely be simply, plain and wholesome friends. “If you’re not putting out he won’t put up with you” is one of the most ridiculous statements I’ve read on here. Not all guys are pigs for one, and for two just because you’re friends doesn’t in no way mean he’s attracted to you in that way. There may be times a couple of friends question if there’s deeper feelings there or not, sure; but it doesn’t mean that’s all be thinks or cares about. There is such a thing as just friends. It’s called a genuine friendship, and they’re getting more rare these days. I’m truly sorry if your ‘just friends’ friendship had a corruptness to it, that’s really unfortunate and I hope you get the chance to find a genuine one. I apologize for all the ranting, but I felt I needed to get my two cents in.
“I’m truly sorry if your ‘just friends’ friendship had a corruptness to it, that’s really unfortunate and I hope you get the chance to find a genuine one.”
Thank you! I appreciate that, I’m sure there is a thing as just friends, but my “just friends” never seem to turn out genuine.
I’m sorry, but I wholeheartedly disagree with this article and find it somewhat offensive to both males and females. Guys and girls can be just friends. It irritates me when people think that it’s always going to turn out like a drama show on tv. For one, not all guys are pigs; and two, just because you two are friends does not in no way mean he’s searching or observing you only in a sexual way and what he can get out of you. “If you’re not putting out, he’ll quit putting up with you” this is absolutely NOT true and incredibly ridiculous. There is such a thing as guys and girls being just friends, it’s called a genuine friendship with respect which is becoming more rare these days. There may be a time when a couple of friends wonder if the relationship is deeper, sure; but it doesn’t mean it has to develop into something sexual by any means. I can’t stress enough how frustrating this society is becoming when it comes to women and respect. Whether it’s being respected or respecting themselves. I believe it’s important to have a platonic close friend who is a male. I feel sometimes those are the best, wholesome friendships.
Morgan, I appreciate your response, however like I’ve been telling everyone else…I wrote this piece based on my personal experience, you don’t have to agree with it nor do you have to even like it. But just liked everyone else who has an opinion, I was just trying to get mine out there for people to hear.
Guys and girls can be friends if the guy is gay! GBF
This is true! I have many gay friends! 🙂
From my perspective and in my experience as a single female, I have been on both sides with the one being told “let’s just be friends” with a guy that Zitry cared about.. I could not accept those terms.. Now, on the other side being the one to set the terms of “we can only be friends”, I’m finding that the guy clearly is not handling it well.. I have to agree that “just being friends” has not worked for me either..
Been through this. Best friends, I eventually fell for her. I felt guilty for even feeling the way I did, because Eventually I told her, and although she didn’t feel the same way, she was amazingly cool about it. I never expected anything from her and understood that we were just friends, and I hated myself for a long time before getting over it. Eventually I worked through…whatever that was and we got back to being just friends, and we’re probably closer than ever, weird as that may sound, and can laugh about it.
From my experience even with an old male school friend, it just doesn’t work and I have tried. They are not interested in you or your life or chit chat unless they can get something from you. Its not worth it. You think they are interested, but its all fake. I made this mistake to my cost. I got friendly again with a male school friend, hadn’t seen him in years, so I was interested in what he was doing, but instead of him asking about me and my life, he was more into making sexual jokes which I felt was inappropriate! This was all on Facebook and when I mentioned about meeting up for coffee and chat, as we wasn’t living that far away from each other, he made lots of excuses! So never happened, I was left feeling hugely disappointed as I put in a lot of my time and effort into this friendship, but it became so one sided. I decided to leave it for awhile, I did wish him happy birthday but got no reply back from him. I also informed him of someone we both knew from school, who died, again no reply from him. How rude!!!! He’s not interested in those things. He was just trying it on with me for his ego!!! Very sad, because I knew his mum and I thought I could trust him, but I know I can’t so that’s it, time to walk away. We live and learn. Hopefully not all men are like this, but don’t put your hopes on a male friendship, they see things differently from us ladies.
Men and women are in no way able to be just friends I’ve been in this situation before the friendship ended immediately we become friends again for a short time then he went off to college then got a girlfriend so now we’re back to not being friends again
A guy can be Just friends with his unattractive female friend. IJS
Not if it’s me he can’t and who says I’m unattractive Roger a very cute guy is attracted to me the friendship with Dominic just wasn’t meant to be I didn’t want it anymore anyway
I was friends with this guy Dominic for a very long time I then think the friendship was casual which means very little to me so guys and girls really can’t be friends their too different and I need deeper friendships then a man is willing to offer so that’s why I’ll never accept just friends from a guy I like because it’s worthless
‘What the hell could he possibly be getting out of this friendship?!’
Someone to talk to and hang out with while I am at university. That is what I want from my female friends.
I’m a Wildlife Conservation student at University. A majority of the people on my course are girls and there is a few of them that I consider friends, some for just over two years.
I have been out with my female friends (yes I am a guy btw) for drinks a couple of times, as a group with me being the only guy. I adore all my female friends and I would not swap them for anybody.
I am in my mid-twenties and had more female friends then I care to remember. Anybody, male or female who seriously believe a guy and girl cannot be friends is just deluded.
There ar eplenty of guys out there who offer false friendship when they just want to sleep with you, and those guys are douchebags, but that does not mean a guy and girl cannot be friends.
Christopher you seem like a genuine guy yes I am a girl and I have about three guy friends maybe more girls can have guy friends unless they get a crush on him like I did with Dominic then it gets complicated the friendship ended because he wasn’t genuine he cared more about his girlfriend and career he went down the wrong path basically then I met Roger two years ago and I’m still friends with him today he’s a wonderful guy I guess it just depends on what a girl is willing to put up with the moral of the story is a girl should never be friends with the neighbor guy it’s going to go downhill fast it did for me
Women can fool themselves into thinking men and women can be friends but we can’t. Men aren’t programmed to view women in that manner, we want the hole thing or nothing. Women make the best friends in the world. Platonic relationships between men and women never last, one person in the friendship will always push the boundaries, one of them will develop feelings. How could you not. If you love her company and her friendship it’s only natural to want more. There’s nothing better then waking up to your best friend.
Read your article as it was posted on yourtango. Although there is some truth to this, as I have been friends with women I had secretly and at times not secretly desired, I cannot say the same for my current best friend. When I first met her, i was aiming to get into her pants, no doubt. After a few times we went out, she told me she was not interested. She made it clear she didn’t want to lead me on but was offering her friendship. She said she would be loyal and a great friend.
She kept her word, and we have been friends for several years now. When i was being played by someone later on, she saw the warning signs and warned me (accurately I might add). When i was having career problems, she gave me the advice and strength to go out to look for another job and take the chance at moving to another state where I have the best job I’ve ever had. Right now, I am dealing with my mother having stage 3 cancer, and she calls or texts me daily to see if I am ok.
Right now, I can’t imagine sleeping with her and jeopardizing what we have. If i secretly harbored desires for her, I wouldn’t have done what I did recently. My friend has been burned a lot in relationships, so I noticed she would be squeamish in sometimes giving a good guy a chance. Recently one became interested in her and she started having second thoughts about him… “oh he seems to be too good to be true”… but mostly she would say… “a good man like him would not want me”. I made her realize the big mistake she was making in letting a good guy like that go. I told her she is amazing. I told her to give the guy a chance, and you know what? It worked and she is happy with her new man.
We still talk and text everyday. How do you explain our friendship?
You shouldn’t use anecdotal evidence, to make such a broad claim that men and women can’t be friends.