6 Ways To Smoothly Get Out Of A Disaster Date

Mar 19, 2015

When most of us think of first dates, we think awkward silences, forced conversation and the classic OMG-are-you-going-to-try-and-kiss-me-because-I-really-don’t-want-you-to dilemma. Truth is, some first dates can be awful. In fact, even awful doesn’t even cover the story I’m about to share with the whole world. BUT I’m willing to share this most embarrassing tale to reassure you that there are ways around even the most awkward of situations (even if it does involve hiding behind a trash bin) so there really is no excuse to refuse that guy a first date. There is always an exit route…

Rewind five years – when I was 16, I went on my first-ever blind date. I like to call it a blind date; speaking technically, it wasn’t because we’d chatted on Facebook beforehand, but I refuse to classify it as anything other than a blind date. Mainly because of the fact that he didn’t live up to his Facebook profile which led me to believe the guy was at least a 7 out of 10. (Spoiler: pictures can be deceiving).

Lovely as he seemed, this guy had been waiting at the cinema for over an hour for me, pre-booked the tickets AND took it upon himself to book us into seats on the back row (presumptuous.) I instantly wasn’t feeling it. I mean he was nice enough but I just felt new levels of awkward, so proceeded to spend the entire two and half hours of the film leaning as far away from him as possible in case he tried the classic arm-around-the-girl move and avoiding a potential kiss.

Long story short, I managed to avoid all of the above (yay) and after thanking him for paying for the movie, tried to run as quickly as possible away from the situation. He, being a gentleman, offered to walk me to wherever I was being picked up. CRAP. I panicked and in a moment of complete horror acted out a completely fake conversation with my mum who I pretended had told me she was collecting me from the other side of town… how convenient. What I didn’t plan on happening was nearly bumping into him as I made my escape (the shopping centre meets in the middle) so in another moment of complete panic I hid behind a trash bin. Yup, an actual trash bin. As I sat on the cold, hard ground next to a smelly bin, I considered it to be the lowest point in my life so far.

BUT, alas, I have moved on from the situation, been on several dates far more successful and have lived to tell the tale. Truth is, disaster dates will happen but here’s 5 easy ways to get out of a bad date without hurting his feelings.

Use the “emergency phone call” tactic – It’s a classic move, but one that can easily get you out of this kind of situation. Have your girlfriends on standby ready to call or text with an “emergency” that you MUST come home for as soon as you send them a code message, or if they can’t be on standby, take a leaf out of my book and just fake an entire phone call. Works every time.
Think of a reasonable excuse – That headache that has suddenly come on in the past 5 minutes? It DEFINITELY feels like a migraine, so sorry, but I’m going to have to leave.
Create a deadline – You’ll know if you’re feeling it as soon as you arrive, and if not then create a deadline, like that coffee with a friend you’d forgotten you had organized or a heart-broken best friend that needs you for a chick flick and a night in, so you can ‘only stay an hour.’ At least that way you can try and enjoy his company for a while, but you have a guaranteed escape route.
Friend-zone him – There’s no clearer message to a guy that you aren’t interested than the friend-zone. Why not suggest setting up with one of your friends who you think he will get on so well with. Nothing will put him off more than the F word.
Lemon Law him – Barney from How I Met Your Mother has got our backs girls. Lemon Law allows you to abort the date out of the interest of time and self-respect if you deem it a waste of time upon arrival. No questions asked, no hard feelings, because perhaps some things are better left unsaid…
Utilise your guy best friend – Send an SOS text message and have him come and barge in your date, claiming you’re his girlfriend. If that doesn’t scare the guy aware, at least it will make you look like a raging psycho.

Just remember always be polite, because karma is a bitch. Someday a guy might want to Lemon Law you. Dating doesn’t have to be all horror stories and awkward pauses. As long as you’re well prepared with a barrage of ways to avoid even the most awkward situations, you are set to be let loose within the dating game. After all, we are all going to have to kiss a few frogs before we find our Prince Charming, so pucker up and enjoy the ride.

Featured image via cottonbro on Pexels