All of high school I dated the same guy. Let’s call him Thomas. Our relationship was full of great times and laughs. He made everything seem like a fairy tale. It basically was a dream come true until guys stopped acknowledging me as a girl because I wasn’t available. I was just a blurred face in a sea of people and to be completely honest…It sucked.
At first I started to dress nicer and I did my hair and makeup entirely for school, but it wasn’t working, I was still the girl with a boyfriend. I am not saying I was pissed I didn’t get attention because I did, I got it from the guy who really mattered. I’m just saying I wish other people still saw me as a girl.
It wasn’t until college that I finally was finally recognized as my own person and not just Thomas’ girlfriend. A lot of people did know I had a boyfriend (just by the fact that I wore a necklace with his name on it and it was all over my social media sites), but I never just came out and said I had a boyfriend. I know that isn’t right, but at the time it seemed right.
College wasn’t easy for Thomas and me it was filled with missed phone calls, arguments, and suspicion. Pretty soon, he would only text back once a day or not at all so I really didn’t know where we stood. I never planned to cheat on Thomas. I was still in love with him, I just wasn’t happy with him. I think part of the reason why I cheated on him is because I had only been single for very brief periods of time so I never got to experience a “wild” period where you don’t have to worry about the consequences. At the same time I knew I couldn’t let myself do it because society has led everyone to believe that people who cheat are horrible people and I knew I was not a horrible person. But the more I heard about people doing these crazy sexual things, the more my curiosity lingered.
I cheated on Thomas with someone whom I saw all the time at the frat house I went to freshman year. He was kind, smart, and hot. It was hard to not be into him; every girl was into him. I think that is what made it a little more exciting. He knew I had a boyfriend, but after a while, our sexual attraction seemed to be mutual. One day he asked me to come over and help him with the homework for our class. About an hour into us studying he told me I was really pretty and that it sucked that I wasn’t available.
After a few minutes I finally said that Thomas and I were on the rocks and I’m not sure how much more I could take. He responded with a smooth answer like he would never treat me how Thomas does…and just like that he leaned in a kissed me. It made me feel excited and needed. One thing led to another, and it all just happened so quickly. Right after, I got dressed, finished helping him with his homework like it never happened, and just left. It wasn’t emotional or loving; it was just casual. During the hookup I felt a whirlwind of emotions: disgusted with myself, angry, excited, needed, and then finally content with what was happening. It gave me a chance to experience a ton of emotions that I had been holding in for a long time. It finally made me realize that Thomas wasn’t the person I wanted anymore.
After it happened I started to feel really guilty. So I decided to tell Thomas because I couldn’t keep leading him on since I knew he wasn’t the person for me anymore. Once I did, I learned he had been cheating on me for months. It was heartbreaking and painful to hear, but I suddenly didn’t feel as horrible about myself. Obviously after that we broke up; I hated him for a while but then I realized he was a big part of my life that it didn’t make sense for me to hate him.
When we came home on break, I asked him to meet me so we could talk. I realized I stopped loving him as my boyfriend a long time ago, I just needed him to still be in my life somehow. We still are really good friends to this day. A lot of my friends think it is weird how close we are now, but we knew we liked each other as people so why not be friends?
I am not saying that me cheating on him is justified because he cheated on me. All I am saying is that I often think about it and question why I didn’t feel guilty about cheating on Thomas. My answer is the same every time: it was something I wanted to do for me. It doesn’t make me a slut, it doesn’t make me a bad person without morals. I didn’t grow up with a family that emotionally f*cked me up, and I am not cold hearted. After cheating, I learned I would much rather be casual than being tied down in an unhappy relationship. I also realized that cheating is not for me either; it’s something I could never do again. Cheating on him also opened up my eyes to see that there is better people in this world for me other than Thomas. I am at peace with my choice and when I step back and take a look at my life now, there is not one thing I would change.
Written by Jenna Lauren
Featured image via Dương Nhân on Pexels
Hi Jenna. Thank you for writing this. It’s always hard to write something this personal and wonder what people may think after reading it. I think it’s very well written. I’d enjoy reading more writing of yours because I love to read and write, myself. This really opened up some emotions for me because I have been through experiences with one person that made me feel similar. My experiences have never been physical, but emotional. i wrote about it several months ago. To this day, I still wonder if I should’ve kept it buried deep inside my memories and not share it at all. I truly enjoyed reading this. On a personal note, while I don’t know you personally (except through social media), you seem to be this great girl. You’re obviously smart, down-to-earth, well-spoken, not to mention quite beautiful. You must be a girl that someone could have intellectual and emotional conversations with, not just that superficial chit-chat that most do.
-Andrew
Thank you very much Andrew! I am glad you could relate! it was very nerve racking to see what people think of this piece. But thank you very much again!!
I’d hope nobody would have anything bad to say about this. Nobody has the right to judge, especially if they don’t know you at all. You expressed everything so clearly. The idea of saying “I cheated” sounds bad. But reading this, it’s not bad at all. It was something you wanted to do for you. You also shared your feelings afterwards. You now know what you want in life. It should never be looked at as something bad that happened. But something that made you realize what you really want and what you need to make you happy.
Thank you very much Andrew! I am glad you could relate! it was very nerve racking to see what people think of this piece. But thank you very much again!!
You are a cheater and yor ego is lying
to you to rationalize whatever makes you feel happy again.im not God or saint but self deluiion is real
Hi
Interesting article. But first of all, why are there so many hyperlinks? It makes the page look dirty and like you wrote this just to have readunwritten.com get more clicks….
I think you are totally in the wrong and should have broken up with him if you knew you were unhappy…since high school too. Come on. You say that cheating made you realize you were in an unhappy relationship at the end but at the beginning you say you were unhappy on how you were looked upon. Those are contradictory. However I think the main issue here is that you have self esteem issues. Sorry for being a little rude but its mindsets like these that are probably why the divorce rate is so high…just saying.
First: the editors add in the hyperlinks. Secondly: I do not have selfesteem issues this article was just in my opinion. If you have an opinion feel free to write your own article (-:
Jenna, You are still a shitty person though. All you had to do was wait one more “Study session” . Break up, And then hook up. Not saying that “Thomas” wasn’t shitty though. You are both shitty for cheating. All you had to do was be real with each other
Hi Tom, I usually don’t reply to other comments that aren’t written on my own article. However, the first sentence “Jenna, You are still a shitty person though.” Do you know Jenna personally? Are you really inclined to call her a shitty person? You may not agree with her actions and maybe you think the act of cheating is shitty, and I’m sure you’re not the only person to believe that to be true. Is that reason enough generalize her entire existence as “shitty?” I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be judged on one sole act that you’ve committed in your past. Think before you speak (or comment).
Honestly Tom, I am not a shitty person. I did something that taught me a lesson. But you still took the time out to read my article and say your opinion… so clearly i did my job at getting people to read this. Try and remember that people do things that aren’t always right… but it does not make them bad people. I am sure you have done things that your mother would not appreciate… does that mean you are a shitty person too? Thank you for the feedback and the up in views (:
You have to understand what sin is.beleiving cheating is fine when the whole world knows its sin.intellectual honesty is what you should study about youself.
Yeah you weren’t happy with him, but you are a coward (and so is he) for not confronting him with these feelings before cheating.
If it took both of you cheating on each other to realize you aren’t meant for each other, that’s a problem with your personalities.
Honestly, you don’t now me so you have no room to decide my personality problems. also you still took the time to read the article so i did my job at grabbing your attention. I know cheating is wrong and i would never do it again, BUT i am sure you have had experiences in your life that were not good ones but they taught you something. But thank you for your comment. Feedback is always good to have.
“It basically was a dream come true until guys stopped acknowledging me as a girl because I wasn’t available.”
Can you elaborate?
lol. She nasty!
The title could easily be rewritten as ‘I was too weak to break up with a dude, so I went ahead and cheated.’
Pretty sure everybody can easily agree on that much. Jenna, wish you best of luck in your pursuits anyways, there is a whole lot of world ahead of you.
First off, you wrote this article online, so clearly putting it under public scrutiny is part of this deal. Yes, the commenters don’t “know you”, then again, they’re making judgements based on what you’ve put out there about yourself. So to say people shouldn’t comment about your actions you write about or form an opinion about you without knowing 100% of your life is a little far fetched.
That being said, you’ve written a piece about cheating on your boyfriend in a layer of justification based on some kind of self discovery. Perhaps you’re memories of the events shape the way you wrote it, but how it’s actually read makes it come off that you were immediately unsatisfied about the lack of attention you received as a “taken” woman. To find fault that other men were not somehow pursuing you despite the knowing you were in a relationship just strikes me as very attention seeking. Expanding on that, but I’m unsure of what kind of high school background you come from, but very rarely in my own experience did I see a woman who was in a relationship ignored completely by their peers. Unless you were going around with a sweatshirt with “Taken: World’s Best Girlfriend” printed on it, I really wonder just who exactly were you still not being looked at, talked to, or flirted with in such numbers that you felt like you were some kind of pariah.
In all, it really sounds like you made a mistake, to which I wholly believe should not define a person’s character or self worth. However, looking back on mistakes should never cloud the understanding that they were, in fact, mistakes. It seems to me, you knew from the start that you were not ready for a fully committed relationship, but you continued it regardless. Had your boyfriend now been cheating, in some ways justifying your own mistake, you may have hurt him far more than you were prepared to accept. It’s great you realized your own sexual and emotional needs, and perhaps this is just the old school me talking, but that should have been something you worked out or discovered with the person you repeatedly claimed to love. Even if in the end, this lead to breaking up, so be it. At least it would not have had the possibility of such heartache and pain in the end.
I really appreciate your comment, i know writing something and putting it out publicly is basically a call to the world to judge me, and that is fine. but if you have seen on my Huffington Post I am getting death threats which i believe is a little far.
But anyway, at the time i probably did just want attention that I previously received from my peers just like how everyone enjoys attention but i do know that it was not right to get so upset about not receiving attention from randos. I do view this event as one of my biggest regrets, as well as writing a piece on it, but with that being said i know it is a mistake but instead of dwelling on the past i choose to look towards the future and the knowing that i know what it feels like to cheat and be cheated on and it is a pain i will never want anyone i love to ever feel.
Again, thank you for your comment it is always great to hear what people think to help me grow as a writer.
“I do view this event as one of my BIGGEST REGRETS” you said, while your article title is “yes i cheated no i DON’T REGRET it???? wtf?
“I know cheating is wrong….”
Clearly not.
You are a cheater, I went to SIU for grad and undergrad, you are an embarrassment. Weak, cheater, karma is looking for you. Way to give up casual sex and then brag about it. You’re a horrible person.
you’re right! i am the only person at siu who has ever cheated on someone! i was in no way bragging. but just like how i have my opinions you can have yours! hope you have a great day Gene, best of luck in life knowing that someone is embarrassing your Alma Mater!
Great article, Jenna. You’re so brave for putting yourself out there like that and that takes a lot of courage. I loved how real it was, and showed how obviously we’re all human and learn from out mistakes. Obviously people commenting rude things are ignorant to what you were trying to get across. You’re SUPER talented and I cannot wait to read more from you!!
Thank you very much! it is always nice to hear something kind !
There we go women always backing up women
I mean…. can you get more disgustingly immoral and entitled than this? I feel so sorry for my generation. I apologize to all the mature adults that have to read these type of stories and get the idea that all millennials are like this. We are not all like this. There is just a small percentage of adults who never really grew out of their entitled brat stage and think they can do no wrong…. “I can’t even”
I threw up in my mouth a little bit from all the attempted self-justification
I have never commented on a article in my life but your article is worth talking about. The title should be “I’m a whore and I’m ok with it” Anybody that cheats is a worthless slut. Quit trying to make yourself feel better. And to all of you who are ok with this, Look in the mirror your just as much of a selfish slut as she is. Jenna you need help!
Thank you!!
I think it’s great that you feel you learned from your experience. Yes, your actions were shitty, but that does not make you a shitty person if you grow from it. However, the way this is written comes off as if you are justifying your actions, or self-justification. Your ex cheating on you is not justification for you cheating on him, and is a bit inconsequential to your point that shitty actions don’t make you a shitty person. The same applies to your dissatisfaction. Your unhappiness does not justify cheating. Cheating is a shitty thing to do ALWAYS.
“It basically was a dream come true until guys stopped acknowledging me as a girl because I wasn’t available. I was just a blurred face in a sea of people and to be completely honest…It sucked. At first I started to dress nicer and I did my hair and makeup entirely for school, but it wasn’t working, I was still the girl with a boyfriend. I am not saying I was pissed I didn’t get attention because I did, I got it from the guy who really mattered. I’m just saying I wish other people still saw me as a girl.” -No offense, but this seems to me like you just wanted attention.
I appreciate your comment! it is always great to get feedback on a article! i do agree 100% with you. at the time i did want attention and that is not right, but i do not justify my cheating because he cheated. it was a learning experience and one that i could never emotionally do again. My actions were extremely shitty indeed but instead dwelling in the past i chose to look at it as a lesson and move on!
So our special little princess has found her Prince Charming but struggles to deal with the fact that other guys have stopped checking her out. She’s given up on making an effort for her boyfriend. Her motive for looking good was simple to get validation and attention from other men.
Then it comes to college time. They head off to different schools which gives her the opportunity to become her own person– whatever that means. How does she does this? By not telling people that she had a boyfriend. Then along comes Chad. She must have been soaking wet on her way over to his dorm room when he invited her over to “study”. An hour into “studying” he tells her she’s pretty and that it’s a shame she was taken. Her immediate response was to say that they were on the rocks.
In her mind she’s already rationalized that her and Thomas are practically over anyway and is keen to tell Chad so he knows that she’s more or less on the market. Classic branch swinging. She wanted to test the waters and see if she could still get laid before deciding to take Thomas off the back burner and toss him away for good. But then she feels guilty and decides to fess up.
Even though she’s cheated, she still mad that Thomas did the same thing. Still, they decide to remain friends, which is the best of both worlds for her. She gets to ride the cock carousel guilt free and demote her former boyfriend to orbiter status. She justifies it all by saying that she’s doing it for her. So cheating is okay as long as it’s done purely for selfish reasons.
What can we learn from this?
A loving, fairytale relationship is simply not enough for the modern girl. Regardless of how “perfect” everything may seem on the surface, she will still crave the sexual attention and validation of other guys.
She’ll gaze lovingly at you with one eye while the other is looking for the next, better guy. The only way you can stop her from branch swinging, or at least delay it, is to continuously work on your own self-improvement and raising your status, while not getting complacent and making sure that you continue giving her the tingles. She will throw you under the bus in a minute if it helps to make her feel better about herself.
Girls, especially those fresh off to college, will use any excuse as a reason for hopping onto the first available cock. “Discovering myself,” “exploring my sexuality,” “becoming my own person” and any other reason the hamster can vomit up are all perfectly valid motives, regardless of how nebulous they may be.
There is no such thing as a Long Distance Relationship. You either have long distance or you have a relationship. You can’t have both.
Spot on, Cold Hard Truth. And unfortunately can tell you, from my very own personal experience, that it’s much worse when you’re married, and you have never cheated on your wife, not even in your dreams.
Still seeking attention
I like this idea! I made a banana bread this week that was equal parts sweet and savory–it had some sugar but it was balanced by rye flour, basil and mint–so good! Next time I might have to go even further toward the savory side with the olives and ch#&1eee821s;yum!