We’ve all been there: our hearts are beating at a hundred miles an hour as we wait for our date to arrive, and if we’re lucky enough, they’re already there waiting for us. The excitement and the expectations are running high, and all of this is why the feeling of disappointment is so strong when said date doesn’t live up to our expectations.
Sometimes the disappointment is instantaneous, and sometimes it’s just an awkward journey downhill.
What began as good conversation has somehow turned into a stunted exchange about the weather. The thought of staying the whole evening is beyond overwhelming. How has this happened? Your Tinder exchanges were full of spark. Or maybe it was a blind date, but your friend assured you that you had so much in common.
This disaster makes no sense.
But what if the disaster does make sense? Have you ever looked forward to a night so much that it’s ended up being a bit of let down? Well, the same can apply to dating. The high hopes and raised expectations already set an almost unachievable high standard for your date. Add to that the nervousness that both of you are feeling, neither of you are on top form.
Some people thrive under pressure and others don’t. This isn’t an online exchange, this is a real world interaction, and real world dating can be scary.
Regardless, sometimes you just have to give it a second chance. This obviously isn’t always the case… If your date was disastrous because you genuinely just didn’t like the person, maybe it’s best to call it a day.
But if your date was disastrous for other reasons maybe a second chance isn’t all that bad. Look back and think, was the person the issue, or was the awful venue full of rowdy drunks what really put a downer on the date. Maybe the place you went to was lovely but the service was abysmal. A good environment is key to setting the mood and yet it is something that is often taken for granted.
There are so many things that contribute to a good first date. Environment being one, but attitude being another. A date isn’t a one way thing. The sparks may not have been there, but did you truly make an effort.
As lovely as it would be to go on a whirlwind date, sometimes emotions can be far more subtle.
It’s not always love at first sight, and a bit of give and take can help cultivate a far more comfortable situation for the both of you.
Just hear me out. The date may have been atrocious, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should write the person off. Think of it like this: if you can have an awful experience and still think of the person in a positive light then there’s a chance this can work out.
Instead of searching for a new dinner date give a familiar one a second chance. The stress and pressure that may have stifled the first date are suddenly nonexistent. Unrealistic expectations will have well and truly been crushed which makes for a far more relaxed situation. Formalities will have been tackled. Now you can get to know each other on a far deeper level. Not only do you have a completely chill scenario, but now you have a funny shared experience that can be used as the driving force for riveting conversation.
It’s a shame, a relaxed environment should be what we aim for in the first place but for some reason we don’t. Rather than allowing the butterflies to take us on a joyous journey the nerves can often cause us to falter.
Don’t let one questionable experience dictate your opinion and instead allow yourself the chance to get to know someone who could be great. But most importantly…
Don’t make the same mistake twice.
Whether you’re giving your awful first date a second chance or starting from scratch, learn from your mistakes. Give yourself the best chance of success. Suggest going somewhere that you know you’ll like, or atleast make your date aware of what you like. If you feel comfortable in your environment you’re far more likely to feel comfortable in YOURSELF.
Make a point of being your best self. Don’t make your date do all the work, ask questions, start discussions, and try your best to make them feel at ease. The happier they are the happier you’ll be.
Be positive. Maybe there isn’t a romantic spark but look for the best in a person. This may not be a potential partner but they very well could be a good friend.
But mainly, don’t give up. Bad dates can be a deterrent but instead of being put off, think of it as an experience that you can learn from. And if you can, give your first date a second chance because whether it was a blind date or someone you’re casually talking to, there is most likely a reason you ended up together. Allow yourself to discover that reason and don’t let one disaster deprive you.
Featured image via Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash
