As a college senior, nothing makes my 6-year-old sister feel cooler than when I take her to get sushi at my favorite sushi bar. We have a sisters day once or twice a month and together we take on my college town to do all the kid-friendliest things to do: sushi, the zoo, and maybe an indie movie. We had only been driving down our street a few moments before she begged me to turn the new One Direction song up. Sisters day out is designed to break the rules where, for a few hours, she could feel on top of the world and rebellious without really causing trouble, so I obliged. As she belted out the lyrics to their new song Perfect, I never felt more disgusted with the band.
Again, my sister is only 6 years old. I have taken great lengths to show her that she deserves nothing but the best, and that the best is totally possible. For the past 6 years, I’ve tried to teach her to never settle and that with patience we can achieve what we want. The song almost totally renounces everything that I’ve tried so hard to teach her. If anything, the song praises a guy who can get away with being a total asshole. It creates a false fantasy that a guy who can only promise that he won’t promise anything is sexy and alluring. This song, Perfect, builds up a false sense of security that when this self proclaimed bad boy exits your life it won’t hurt as badly because, well, you knew it was coming. I won’t let some song snake it’s way into her brain and convince her that this is acceptable.
Girl, I hope you’re sure what you’re looking for because I’m not good at making promises
I immediately snapped my head around to stare her straight in the face and nearly screamed, “Never date a guy who can’t keep his word to you!” I can’t remember all the times I stayed up waiting for a guy to call or the times I waited patiently at a coffee shop because he swore he’d be there at three but now he means four. I can’t count the times I had to swallow my pride and tell my friends the painful reality that the so-called date never happened. I’ve bent over backwards trying to build her kindergarten confidence so she’d never let herself get into situations like me, but One Direction is taking all of my advice and tossing it out the window only to replace it with newly idolized bad boy lyrics. It will never be cool to date a guy who doesn’t care about you.
But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms and if you like having secret little rendezvous, if you like to do the things you that you know we shouldn’t do, baby, I’m perfect
NO! No in every sense of the word. As my sister sang along to the words, I could feel my heart breaking. It shouldn’t be cool to date a guy who only wants you for what’s in your jeans. It shouldn’t be some wild fantasy to date a guy who only calls when he wants something because a f*cking One Direction song said so. I would rather run in front of a moving vehicle than allow my baby sister to think that giving it up for a guy is going to make him like you. Sex or no sex, it’s not going to influence the way a guy feels for you. He should care about you for what’s in your heart and mind, who you are as a person, instead of what you can offer him sexually. I don’t care if this song goes #1 for ten million weeks straight, my kid sister will never be deluded into thinking she has to settle for a guy like this.
I might never be the hand you put your heart in or the arms that hold you any time you want them, because I can be the one you love from time to time
I think every person on the planet has had some experience with this type of person, the type that only calls when they need a favor or sex or are just bored. Six and half years ago, I vowed that my little sister would never know those people. I want to teach her how to believe in herself, how to know her worth, how to not date a guy who doesn’t want to keep a girl around. She deserves someone who can commit to her and challenge her in a healthy way. I won’t stand letting her believe she has to wait around for some guy to call, which may or may not happen. I’m not going to tell her she can’t listen to this song anymore, but you bet your sweet ass that I played Beyoncé’s Upgrade U immediately after. Over my dead body will trendy lyrics corrupt her into thinking a guy is good enough for calling whenever he remembers she exists.
Of course, One Direction is pretty famous for being the epitome of a casanova – but I won’t let them persuade the next generation into believing they only deserve to be thought about sometimes. The next batch of girls can’t grow up with the same mentality we did, that a guy who treats us like shit and gives us minimal attention is somehow good enough. Song or not, we can’t allow these words to delude us into settling for less than we, and the generations after us, deserve.
Featured image via “one direction 371” by donkeyjacket45 / CC BY-SA 2.0
