Hide your kids, hide your wife, because eryone’s going to get pregnant up in here since it was just revealed that Obama has cut all federal funding to abstinence-only sex education programs. *cue all your grandmother’s and crazy aunts freak out* Get ready for the anarchy that is about to ensue, highlighted below.
1. Teenage pregnancy will BLOW up. *pun intended*
2. You will get pregnant…and die.
3. STDs for dayz HOLLA!!
4. I mean chlamydia is fun right?
5. Because if it ends in an A, it goes away. #amiright
6. You will go to hell
7. *according to your aunt Susan*
8. So bring sunscreen.
9. Kids will be doing the deed EVERYWHERE
10. I mean all over.
11. You’ll just be walking down the street and they’ll be there…doin’ it.
12. Kids will learn about BIRTH CONTROL
13. WHAT.
14. Even worse…they will learn about…about…
15. CONDOMS.
16. Sex-fulled orgy partieZzZ!
17. The world will end.
18. They’ll find out that Plan B is ~real.~
19. They’ll want to have sex with anyone and everyone.
20. *except with your Aunt Susan…of course*
And there you have it, people. I hope your future sons and daughters can deal with knowing that sex is real, and they didn’t come from the stork. And if you don’t want sons or daughters…may the protection always be in your favor.
Featured image via “Barack Obama in Onawa” by IowaPolitics.com / CC BY-SA 2.0
