I remember reading the article “Why I never want to have a daughter” as it changed my perspective about the future. I remember reading every single word again and again. I remember thinking that I completely agreed with her – that having a baby boy would make life so much easier.
The ending in particular is what left me shell-shocked:
“I’ll welcome any child into my life, but I pray to God every day that I don’t deliver a girl who will break my heart every time hers is broken, and I can save myself from worrying that she’ll choose the path that she’s pressured into choosing and lose sight of the perfect little girl I once held in my arms.”
I’ve been shielding myself from heartbreak my entire life. I’ve carefully collected the emotional bricks that would let me build a wall as high as NYC’s skyscrapers. But that’s simply my defense mechanism. And that’s certainly not what I would teach my future daughter.
Heartbreak is inevitable. And love and pain commonly complement each other.
While I can say for certain that my heart will get broken every time hers gets shattered, I hope that these lessons will help her get back up every single time:
- You ARE good enough
The times I have questioned whether I’m good enough is way too high to count (and I still do it today). Which is exactly why I pray to God I will never hear my future daughter question her own worth. So, to my beautiful angel, I will paint your room with bright pink letters saying that you are good enough. You are overwhelmingly enough. Never question your own worth.
- Don’t give your heart to idiots
To my perfect little girl: I’m going to set one thing straight, once and for all. Your heart is valuable and YOU are valuable. Don’t settle for being someone’s next best thing. Understood?!
- Once a cheater, always a cheater
If he cheats on you once, he’ll do it again. Let me tell you that if he cheats on you, he can’t possibly love you. I’m a firm believer in the phrase “forgive and forget.” Yet, sometimes, it’s better to simply forgive and hold the door while he walks out of your life, than it is to forget
You’ll thank me later.
- Being single is a blessing in disguise
My beautiful baby girl, you may think you’ll want to be in a relationship with the high school quarterback, but really, you should be enjoying your independence NOW. Someday, you might be married, balancing work and kids, and you will rarely have time for yourself. You’ll miss the days when you could dance around your room naked, just loving every second of hanging out with yourself.
- You deserve someone who adores you, just like in Fairy Tales
Don’t settle for the guy who thinks the sun orbits around him and not the earth. You deserve a man who will hold you in his arms and tell you how beautiful you are, inside and out. You deserve a man who will buy you chocolate out of the blue, or surprise you with a home cooked meal after a long day at work. Don’t settle for the frog when you know you deserve the prince.
- No person is your personal project
It’s no secret that feminine energy responds to emotions and not logic. Every woman has a secret “wish” list of what she wants her future husband to be like – caring, intelligent, a gentleman and one that sincerely cares about her. Yet, we commonly fall for the cocky Casanova, that knows just how to play the game of love. He’s smooth and confident, and naturally gets any woman he wishes to lay his hands on.
We commonly look at the bad boy as our “personal project”, to transform him into the perfect man. Yet, we fail to realize that we can never change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. In love, like in life, you need to take things as they are and make the best of every situation. A guy therefore, is never your personal project, and you must accept him as he is. Because, as with any great love story, the good guy will always win in the end, and you’ll be glad that he did.
- Love yourself
It’s okay to love yourself more than anyone else. At the end of the day, it’s just you and yourself, babe. At the end of it all, the only thing that truly matters is how you see yourself. Love yourself so much that you set the expectation for how everyone else should love you.
While having a baby boy to teach how treat women with respect would probably make the world a better place, having a baby girl would without a doubt be a blessing in disguise. And while I’m likely to continue making reckless mistakes in our Gen-Y’s culture filled with “Netflix and Chill,” poor body image and the death of chivalry, I one day hope to hold a perfect little girl in her arms, and pray to God she’ll learn from my mistakes.
Featured image via Nikki Desuasido
