It’s always a little uncomfortable when people ask me “So why did you transfer after first year?” And while there were so many contributing factors, I’d be lying if I said my boyfriend at the time had nothing to do with it.
My boyfriend and I had started dating in high school. I was having a really rough senior year and he was my best friend. Before we were dating, I knew he had a crush on me but I never acted on it. Finally, after reading all of those posts about how girls always go after the wrong guy while the right one is wiping away their tears, I went for it at the end of high school.
Now, my decision for which college I would attend was complicated. I went to a college that I had never planned on going to for their dance program, simply because I was surprised that I got in. I knew that if I didn’t at least give it a shot, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
Turns out, I hated it. I hated it for so many reasons but looking back, a huge part of this dislike for my university was definitely due to the fact that I was visiting my boyfriend at his school at least once a month. Back then, I convinced myself that I hated my school and that was that. I wasn’t ready to give it a second chance.
My relationship wasn’t doing so hot either. Being long distance was awful, I missed him all the time…largely because he was from home and I missed home a lot. But mostly, I dreaded the exhausting trip back and forth between schools. Two busses, the subway, a train ride, and a cab between each campus – it was hell. Our relationship took a downward turn and I simply assumed it was because we were apart.
So, I went through all the steps to transfer universities and of course I chose to switch to my boyfriend’s school. I was on top of the world. Then, what I thought at the time was the worst possible thing, he dumped me the summer before the switch. But it was too late, I was enrolled in my new school and I had to go.
Two days after our breakup, I had to drive two hours to what would be my new apartment and set up my room where I would be living with girls who were basically strangers. You could say I was overwhelmed. In fact, I was miserable. Here I was, at a school that I knew was small, and the only people I knew were my boyfriend and his friends. I was going through a difficult breakup surrounded by a group of people who I barely knew and who barely knew me. Their first impression of me was this moody girl who clearly didn’t want to be there. Despite my best efforts to put on a brave face, they probably just thought I was a bitch.
So after spending my first year of university missing my boyfriend, it looked like I would spend my first year at my new school dreading my decision to switch.
I spent the first few months trying to put myself out there and trying to meet new people, but I felt like I didn’t have a solid group of friends to turn to. I was always trying to be around people but I felt completely alone. It seemed like everyone had already made their friends in residence and I missed my chance.
Fast forward to second semester where I met the most inviting group of friends in the world. I didn’t feel like an outsider and after the first night I met them, I hung out with them every day from then on. We spent that summer hanging out, even though I lived hours away from them in my hometown. And through them I met the coolest guy who would eventually become my boyfriend.
Because I kept trying and I didn’t give in to the temptation to completely isolate myself and just move back home, I met an amazing group of people. And thanks to these wonderful friends, what could’ve been a horrible situation turned into the best thing that ever happened to me.
In the future I will probably think twice before making a decision based on a guy. However, I can speak from experience when I say that even if things don’t go relatively close to how you planned, be confident that everything will work out in the end.
Featured image via freestocks on Unsplash
Way to go Paula!
Thank you!!