St. Patty’s Day: 8 Stages of Drunk You’ll Go Through Celebrating

Mar 17, 2016

The biggest part of the year (next to homecoming, of course) is upon us! While today might be any other day for grown adults, it’s one of the biggest party days for college students. While Saint Patrick’s Day may be a religious holiday in Ireland, it’s a holiday celebrated by drinking all day by students all across North America. It’s essentially another excuse for students to party all day but hey, midterms are coming up – we need a day to black out. If you’re not out drinking green beer by noon, you’re doing the holiday wrong. However you choose to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, every college student is bound to either run into one of the following type of drunks or is one of them:

“I’M IRISH!”
You’re 100% proud to be Irish whether you’re only 1/16^th Irish or born in Ireland. You’ll go on and on about your Irish background, and how proud you are while downing a green beer. For you, this is the best holiday and you probably already claimed a seat at your local Irish bar.
“Passed Out By 2 PM”
You were ready by 10 AM and already pre-planned your make up, all green outfit, and decorations. You proclaimed proudly that you would last all day but by the time your friends were getting ready for the afternoon festivities, you were already passed out on the couch and have called it a day.
“What Are You Looking At?!”
Just like your pass out friends, you’ve been drinking since 10 AM and are absolutely drunk. You’re ready to start a fight for either a) not celebrating or b) not wearing green. You’re completely plastered, it’s best to walk away and just listen to your friends before you get a ticket for either starting a fight or public intoxication.
“I’m So Hungover” …at 6 PM
Your friends were lame and went to work / classes but you, you are a champion and blew off all your responsibilities. By the time your friends were getting ready for the afternoon pre-party, you already got drunk, ate, took a nap, and woke up hungover. There’s no better way to cure a hangover than going for another round at night, right?
“SHTAP, I Can Still Drink!”
White Girl Wasted, The Hot Mess, CHAMP – call it whatever you want but we all know this person. You should have stopped drinking a long time ago but you’re still going. You may have already puked, went through your entire alcohol stash, or already got into a fight but nothing is going to stop you from partying all day and night. You will literally cut anyone who tries to stop your party mood. The best part? You somehow made it into the clubs, AND survived the entire day.
“HI, Happy St. Patty’s!”
You’re just a happy go-lucky kid. You’re adorably tipsy or just super happy. You just want to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, and immerse yourself in everything green. You’re not looking to get super hungover or trashed, you just want to dance and celebrate the day. The best type of drunk there is!
*Sigh* “Yes – I am the Designated Driver”
You have an early day tomorrow – after all, it is Friday but somehow your friends conned you into coming out at night. You know that you can’t afford to get drunk and function properly the next day which is how you ended up being the designated driver for the night.
“It’s Just a Thursday.”
This is what you’re saying but deep down, you’re jealous that you can’t be one of those drunken kids on the street. You say it’s just a Thursday and not a “real” holiday but secretly, you wish you could celebrate.

St. Patrick’s Day is basically another day where you can witness drunk college students at their finest. While I hope you take it easy and just celebrate the day low-key, realistically – we know that you’re going all out. I hope that you all have a fun-filled St. Patrick’s Day, and drink lots of green beer. Whether you’re out all day, only at night, or not celebrating at all – stay safe!

Featured Image Via Unsplash