It happens to the entire female population once a month. It is blamed for our mood swings, our bloating, and our lazy attitude for 5 days. All of us girls totally play up the period card. It’s one of those unspoken rules that we can use it as an excuse for being shitty to people but guys can’t call us out on it. The best excuse we use our period for is to eat whatever our heart desires. Diet schmiet. It’s my time of the month and obviously I’m about to binge on everything.
Yes, those three boxes of cookies look fabulous.
It may seem strange that I would want double chocolate chip alongside oatmeal alongside peanut butter. But isn’t it also strange I’m losing blood through my vagina?
Froyo is for when you’re on weight watchers; Häagen-Dazs is for when you’re on your period.
Pro tip: When it’s right from the freezer, put in the microwave for 5 seconds on a low setting. Your spoon won’t bend and the ice cream won’t fly onto the wall across the room. There is no playing games here.
Mashed potatoes to the face, not on the side.
Potatoes remind me of holidays at home. When I don’t feel good I just want to be home in bed. Do you see where potatoes come into play here?
An entire pizza.
I feel bloated and fat already so why not use that to my advantage by eating my weight in soft, cheesy heaven. It’s good morning, noon, and night!
Chips so greasy my hands shine in the sunlight.
Not saying I’ve done that, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Crunchy and salty and seemingly never ending if you get a big enough bag, those little potato shavings keep me happy for at least a few episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Frap thing with the syrup and whip cream and cookie crumbs
It’s an entire day’s worth of calories in a cup; it’s a that aforementioned pint of ice cream combined with those boxes of cookies; it’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more. We all have a sweet tooth when PMS-ing so this drink is a sneaky way of having a dessert and a coffee.
I’m sure there’s so many more but since it currently is my time of the month, I’ve worked up quite a hankering for a second dinner. If you’ll excuse me, I must call Dominoes while I walk to the convenience store for some dessert. Sorry not sorry for the snarkiness.
Featured image via Brooke Lark on Unsplash
