I never understood how someone could be so addicted to something. But they say everyone has their choice of drug. Some choose pills, others choose heroin, cocaine, meth, etc. Many times their choice of drug kills them or leaves them with nothing, but with me, my choice of drug leaves me with a constant high, and I’m admitting I have an addiction problem. For some, admitting they are addicted takes a lot of courage, for me, I’m proud of say it. Why? Because my choice of drug is you. Everyone has their choice of drug.
You are my drug, the only one I’ll ever need.
I know addiction ends up taking over lives, but I’m okay with that. I will gladly let this addiction kill me, in fact I want to die knowing you were part of my lifestyle forever. I will never have to feel the pain and suffering of withdrawal from you. I will never have to feel the heartache when I wake up in the morning, knowing I won’t hear from you. Knowing that getting through the day will be the easiest thing, that every single waking moment will be giving into my itch and letting myself my high off of you. You are the one thing I look forward to everyday, I can never escape you, you took over my life; my every thought, my every move, even my entire being.
I will never check myself into rehab, I will never have an intervention, I will never have to think about my last hit or last high.
ONCE an addict, always an addict.
Every fiber of my being aches and longs for just a little more. And the best part? I enjoy giving in, I enjoy having you take over my body. I love the lingering taste you leave on my lips, and how it leaves me wanting more.
I need this drug. My body craves you, and I know I can’t sustain life unless I continue using. I know that allowing myself to fall into the addiction, that it will become bigger than myself. And that’s exactly what I want. I will never kick this habit. I love the heart palpitations, waking up with the cold sweats, the aches all over my body.
I love the heart palpitations; because over a year later, you still give me butterflies.
I love waking up with the cold sweats; because that just means my body can’t handle the amount of heat you give off in the middle of the night.
I love the aches all over my body; because you hugged me too tight or we were roughhousing earlier that day.
You are the hit I need, as it turns out. Does it terrify me? Abso-fucking-lutely. When I first met you, I knew I needed you. Something that lit insides on fire. Now? I can’t live or function without you.
I never really understood the cliché metaphor of drugs and love and addiction. But it’s so real. I never really felt like myself until I met you. With you the only thing I fear is how much I need you.
I was always told to find something I love and let it kill me. So, because of you, I will overdose and I will gladly let our love be the last thing I have in this world.
Featured image via Thiago Schlemper on Pexels
