They broke your heart. All you want is to break theirs right back, forget about them, erase the memories from your head and from your heart. That latter part is no easy task. And breaking the heart of the person who broke yours isn’t that much easier. For some reason, the habit of getting even has been deemed possible by immediately dating someone new. Someone we think is hotter, appears more interesting, has way more to offer, and is just all-around a step up. This person is going to make our ex jealous, and we will forget they ever existed within a week of this new fling and all will be happily ever after.
Or not.
This new person doesn’t know you.
You have to start all over again with the interview process that is dating. All your thoughts turn to how your ex would have laughed at that joke, how they would know the drink to order you while you went to the bathroom, how there would be no need to wear spanx under your dress. The flashbacks of your first few dates are flooding your mind and you keep comparing how this date is going with those early times of excitement you had with your ex.
You’re right back at the starting line after just finishing a messy race. You haven’t given yourself time to rest. You haven’t let yourself process anything or get over any feelings. You can’t jump right back in at full speed without recovering. Trust me; I’ve tried literally and figuratively.
When you start over you will constantly be focused on how much better the last time around was. All the good times are visible with none of the bad. With the focus being on what you’re missing, you aren’t looking at what you’ve gained. The rebound becomes a substitute, a second place, a silver medal in the grand scheme of this phase in your life. You see them through the filter of your ex instead of as they are.
Dating out of spite is hardly dating.
It is a series of events built on bitterness and mourning, with the thought of the enemy catapulting every move you make. But that is not fair. The person you are using as your rebound will see you as vengeful and cold. What your ex did to you, you have now done to someone else. You did that terrible act of breaking the heart of a stranger when all you wanted to do was break that of the one who broke yours.
The chain is endless. An eye for an eye, as they say. Only we keep taking the eyes of the innocent and creating more monsters.
Instead of rebounds or set ups or speed dating, why don’t we just take the time to heal? A broken heart is a deep wound and it leaves a nasty scar when it isn’t cared for. Moving on takes a lot of patience, a lot of self realizations, and especially a lot of messy crying sessions with chocolate and Adele blasting through your speakers.
If Adele, Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, and so many others can channel all their relationship stories and heartache into music, imagine the art you could create!? Let yourself move on alone; learn to love being an individual; take time to discover all you can be without someone by your side. Then, when you’re no longer bitter, go meet a new person that will create new memories with you.
Featured image via Daria Litvinova on Unsplash
