The media has a very skewed outlook on politics.
While most anchors are not allowed to express their own opinions on what they’re reporting, when it comes to politics, you can see the look in their eyes and hear the tone of their voice. There is absolute joy when they talk about what stupid thing Trump may have said this time or what insane thing the FBI is covering up this time. You know, they all have an opinion. The same goes with the celebrities that have gone to the conventions or taken to their social media to voice their opinions, to persuade us to follow in their footsteps. What if all of their persuading does no good? What if we have done the research, weighed the pros and cons, and listened to what these candidates have to say, but still can’t come up with anything? What about those who just can’t decide what the hell to do come November?
This is for all of you that truly thought this was a joke when it was happening and are now terrified of the outcome. This is for those of you who truly cannot pick between “hell no” and “for the love of all that is mighty no”. This is for those of you who cannot pick between a man who looks like he rolled around in a bag of Doritos or a woman who lies worse than her husband. This is for those of you that see no positive outcome to any of this. For you, I present my analysis of the Presidential race, best described through Harry Potter.
We have Lord Voldemort – AKA – Donald Trump.
PROS:
- Brutal honesty by saying whatever is on his mind.
- For the most part, has stuck to the same ideas. Example: The Wall.
- Wants to make America Great Again!
- Has no political experience = adding something refreshing to the mix.
CONS:
- SAYS WHATEVER IS ON HIS MIND.
- HAS NO POLITICAL EXPERIENCE = HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE IS DOING.
- While sticking to his ideas, he hasn’t actually said how he plans to make them happen.
- Family is Death Eaters that follow him around and praise him like a dictator.
- He wants to take over the world.
- Tanning bed addiction.
- Doesn’t listen to anyone’s advice or opinion before speaking, but when he does, they are the first to blame if something goes wrong.
- Like Lord Voldemort’s snake, Nagini, Donald’s most prize possession is his hair, which is also a Horcrux.
- Again, says whatever is on his mind and then five minutes later denies that he said anything close to it.
And then…
We have Dolores Umbridge – AKA – Hillary Clinton.
PROS:
- Has political experience.
- Has actual plans in mind for her ideas.
- Knows her way around the White House.
CONS:
- The woman who will have ORDER, but then gets bullied around by the boys.
- Will say and do anything to get your vote. Changes her mannerisms for every demographic she is talking to, to give you whatever you need to get your vote.
- Playing up the woman card.
- There has been some sketchiness to her political background.
- How much she gets paid for speeches… Lies.
- Emails… Lies.
- Recent and past allegations make some question the level of trust.
- Has it been mentioned she gets caught lying a lot? What we need is Dolores’s black quill that will write on the back of her hand, “I must not tell lies…”
So what do we do? Do we decide to go with the man with no experience, wants to build a wall around the United States, become best friends with Russia, and hope for the best? Or do we decide to go with the woman who will break federal rules and lie about it, but keep the United States pretty much going the same way it has been for the past eight years? While a write-in vote is optional and I believe that there are enough people in the world to vote for Ellen DeGeneres, we may only have one option left. Move to Antarctica. It may be a little chilly and dark throughout most of the year, but it might be an easier decision to make verses the one we have to make in November.
Featured image via “Hillary Clinton” by Gage Skidmore / CC BY-SA 2.0
