Timing is everything, isn’t it? Whether I loved you at the wrong time or maybe I just haven’t met you yet, there is only one thing I ask of you: don’t fall in love with me – not now, not ever.
Not all soulmates have to be lovers. Having a texting buddy could make me the highlight of your day. A snail mail pen pal could make me the highlight of your month. A long distance, low maintenance friendship could make me the highlight of your year. If we get the chance, let’s live happily ever after as best friends who travel the world together; let’s experience each other’s brightest ups and deepest downs; let’s be there for each other when we need it most, or when we don’t even know how much we really need it. Whatever it is you do, don’t you ever fall in love with me.
Whether we really ever know who our soulmates are, I can only hope you are not someone who I’ve hurt in the past. I would never take the time to intentionally hurt someone, but if you turn out to be someone I’ve accidentally hurt in any way, I’m not quite sure how I could ever make it up to you. The reverse of this is also true: I hope you aren’t someone who’s ever managed to hurt me in any way before. Humans may not be very good at remembering pain, both physical and/or emotional, but we may never see each other as soul mates who are meant to be in each other lives in any sort of way if we’ll have to live with the knowledge that we’ve hurt each other before.
I want to love me in the best way and I want to see you fall in love with yourself too. I know who I am but I may not ever fully understand who I really am if I find myself trying to figure you out too. I don’t want someone to become my whole world, nor do I want to become someone else’s whole world.
In a way, loving someone as a friend or almost-family member may be as bad as loving someone as a lover, but I think I could live with that if I had to. If by some chance you and I do find each other, for the billionth time: let’s not love as lovers but let’s love like brothers do; sure you can even call me “bro” if it’ll help.
If you truly have a choice, please don’t fall in love with me. I am a spontaneous mess from time to time and in the whirlwind that is my life I don’t want anyone to get hurt who doesn’t have to; anyone besides myself that is. I know I can get over any of the pain I cause myself; maybe it would help me get stronger but whatever pain that might be… does not ever have to be experienced by you too.
I can be mean. I can be cold. I can be your harshest nightmare, but please don’t let me. I can be warm, tender, and care far more than you’d ever imagine based on my normal resting face but I’m sorry I don’t want to. If we’re truly meant to be soulmates, I won’t have to.
Love,
Me
Featured image via cottonbro on Pexels
