The older that I get the more that I realize that Christmas is turning into an anxiety-induced Hallmark holiday built around making children happy and getting adults drunk. While some of you may be having a jolly good time sitting around a log fire and enjoying Christmas cookies and carols, I am in the process of having a mental breakdown thinking about all the extra time I wish I had, money that I do not have to spend, and stress wrinkles that I am starting to get. Christmas, as an adult, has turned into a nightmare.
I miss the innocence of Christmas.
When you’re a kid, you are sheltered to the idea that Christmas is anything but a beautiful day full of gifts from a jolly fat man that came down your chimney to grace you with all the toys and puppies you wished for. Along with delicious cookies, Christmas is a time for Christmas movies and time spent with your family.
But Christmas has changed. How? I’ll tell you.
Santa.
The first major lie your parents are forced to tell you. Breaks my heart to think about all the letters I had written, cookies I had baked, and time I spent awake looking for Santa flying in the sky! Whoever came up with this creation is the jolliest devil! He is probably the evil genius that started Christmas music as well.
Christmas music.
Before, it was a joy to finally hear that ten lords were leaping and nine ladies were dancing, but now it is like an infectious earworm that you can’t get rid of from the beginning of November until the new year begins. The sweet tunes of NSYNC’s Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays means nothing now that it is overplayed throughout all the stores you go into in search of presents.
The presents.
Before you literally could craft together a project in school for your parents or go to the dollar store for a sweet gift, but now we are literally expected to spend our paychecks on people. From your family to literally the man that you see once in a blue moon that either brings you bills that must be paid or your neighbor’s bills that must be paid (mailman), everyone expects to receive a gift. While a fine gesture if you recently won the lottery, adults do not have the money or time for this!
The Shopping.
Speaking of time, you don’t have a lot of it because you are busy waiting in line. For everything. With everyone. Because everyone and their mother are out doing the same exact thing you are doing. Trying to get the best deals and yelling at the store clerk for not accepting the expired coupons that you have tried to use everywhere in the store. Really, thank you for tying up the lines even more and being the jolliest Grinch on the face of the Earth.
Grinches.
It is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year and everyone is supposed to be spreading Christmas cheer, but all you find are people who are out for the best deal and steal. That was the last Hatchable (hottest Christmas toy right now) left from here to Guam, so yes, you most certainly should throw down a physical fight in the middle of Walmart over a toy like a scene from a movie. Nothing says Christmas cheer like a bloodbath over a plastic, cheap toy.
Family.
And just when you think you have dealt with all the grinches in the world, you go home to your family. Crazy Uncle Eddie is questioning how much weight you have gained. Your Grandma can’t get over your new haircut and has told you numerous times not to worry, hair grows back in between asking when you’re getting married even though you’ve assured her you’re single. And your second cousin (twice removed) is still questioning how on Earth you are single.
All to be reminded that yet again, Andrew Lincoln is still not standing at your door to take you out like an unwelcomed zombie or to profess his love for you like he did with Kiera Knightly in Love Actually.
What happened to the true meaning of Christmas?
It’s not about the presents, decorations or Eggnog consumed (Even though you still are not sure what that tastes like – there is too much rum in yours to know the difference). Christmas is about coming together and enjoying time with your family. It is about taking a break from the madness and chaos of everyday life to have a few hours of joy with the ones you love and spreading cheer wherever you may go. There is no price tag on that, so remember to not let adult life get in the way of you enjoy this holiday as much as you did when you were a kid!
Featured Image via screengrab from Modern Family.
