Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is characterized by unstable moods, behaviors, and relationships. That is the formal definition. However, BPD is not the same for everyone. Some people have a really difficult time handling their emotions and feelings, others have behavioral issues and spend a lot of time in jail and rehab, and still others just have issues staying in stable healthy relationships. There are many things that differentiate between people with BPD, however, one thing is the same: it isn’t easy for anyone.
Most people who suffer with BPD struggle with controlling their emotions. Most of us go from being happy to mad in a matter of seconds. It’s different than being bipolar because we don’t typically need a trigger to change our emotions. Throughout one day we experience a wide-range of emotions and usually can’t do anything about it.
One of the things people who suffer with BPD do to stay sane, so to speak, is to detach ourselves from reality. This is something that I have done my whole life, even before knowing that I have the disorder. I spend days and nights alike daydreaming about a different time or place and I sometimes think of myself as a completely different person. Is this healthy? Probably not, but it is how I taught myself to deal with my problems.
I’m not depressed, but I have been.
One of the biggest things about Borderline Personality Disorder is depression. Nine times out of ten, if you are living with this particular disorder, you either are depressed or you have been. And that’s why it’s so common for people to quickly assume that you are suffering from depression because in part, you are! But that’s not all of it. Typically, you can tell yourself that it is more than depression and you need help in more than just that area
Borderline Personality Disorder doesn’t make me mean or scary. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I am more afraid and timid most of the time, even in the most normal of situations, because of my disorder. It causes me to second guess myself and I lose faith in my abilities most of the time. Just because I have little to no control over my emotions doesn’t mean I should be feared in any way. Because trust me, I am more afraid of you than you ever will need to be of me.
I can’t just choose to be a different way. I didn’t wake up one day and say, “You know what, I think I want to have this weird disorder that no one ever talks about”. Trust me. I do the things I need to make sure I live a healthy life, but I have to take it step by step. I have no guarantees. Just like people suffering from other disorders it takes time and patience. We can’t just snap out of it.
BPD is more common than you think. According to the website, almost 14 million Americans suffer from it at some point in their lives. However, not all of those people are diagnosed. Some still think they are dealing with depression or anxiety alone and they don’t know the truth. The disorder itself is very common, the diagnosis not so much.
As much as depression and anxiety are a part of it, there are several other things that factor into the disorder. Factors include family abandonment, abuse, and a disrupted family life. Not all people who deal with these things have the disorder, but it is linked to it when adding in other factors. People who fear being abandoned, struggle with substance abuse, and have had multiple suicide attempts could suffer with BPD. Only a psychological exam could truly tell.
Borderline Personality Disorder makes maintaining a healthy, stable relationship very difficult. Even people I have known my entire life (i.e. family members) are often confused by my sudden outbursts of anger or my constant mood swings. And up until about six months ago, so was I. The problem is not the disorder itself, it’s the fact that it is not talked about, so people don’t know the degree of how serious it is. It has the potential to be very harmful.
People living with BPD often have trust issues. And as many people know trust is a very important part of any relationship. However, people with BPD have usually struggled with abandonment or some kind of abuse, so trust becomes very difficult. But trust and validation are essential to keeping someone with BPD happy and feeling needed and wanted. Those of us suffering with BPD struggle with not feeling needed or wanted regardless of others’ attempt to make them feel so.
Many people lose patience with people living with the disorder because they don’t know how to handle the person or what it is that they want. The truth is most of the time, we don’t know what we want. That is why it is important to let the person know that you are there no matter what. As difficult as it is, we need to know that you are there and that we can trust you.
The final thing you need to understand if you are dealing with someone that has BPD, is that treatment is not easy. Most of the time medication isn’t prescribed unless there has been a suicide attempt(s). Borderline Personality Disorder is not curable, but it can be treated. Group or personal therapies tend to be very helpful and sometimes both are recommended because that is where we work through our problems and difficulties.
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder is not easy, but it makes it even more difficult knowing that it is a disorder that not many people know of. There is a lack of understanding from most people, and others have a tendency to overlook it all together. It is a more complex disorder than people think and we need more awareness. Not necessarily for treatments or to find a cure, but more for the fact that people need to know what it is and how to handle the situation.
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