This is my apology to the person I had to say goodbye to. Someone I considered a close first friend and even at some points in my life, a sister. The person that I shared dark secrets with and saw me at my worst. The person that I sometimes considered to be the closest person to me, yet became my arch enemy. The person that attempted to destroy my name and my story, because I had the life that you wanted. The person that let the green eyed monster of envy take over our friendship and destroy all in its path. This is for you, my unfaithful ex-friend.
You broke me. As a friend, you watched me climb, but you would always take your stabs and try to watch me fall. You were there to lift me enough to reach the next step, but always there hoping that I would fall back into my old ways. You were always giving me words of wisdom, but your words were more for yourself than for me. You were always by my side, but making sure that I wasn’t getting too far ahead. You made sure you were always in first.
You brought drama into my life. You created problems for me that didn’t need to be there, just to watch the action unfold. You sat back with your popcorn and enjoyed the show, while you kept feeding your green eyed monster of envy. You created tiffs in friendships and broke my relationships when yours weren’t going right just for something fun to do. You stirred the pot of retaliation when you needed some attention to feed off of, even if it was at my own expense. You made sure you were always coming out on top.
You dimmed my light.
You made sure that I felt sorry for myself every time something didn’t go right. You tried to make it sound like you were there for me, but in return, you were smiling on the inside knowing that I was suffering. You acted as if you were my biggest supporter, but it was you that was always pulling the strings behind the curtain, trying to make the production fail. You made sure that I wasn’t happy with the person I was because I began to shine brighter than you.
This is a long coming apology. After years of ups and downs, we both had our faults. We had to go our separate ways to realize that life was better off this way. I am sorry that I let you take a piece of me with you. I am sorry that I am still angry over the mistreatment and that I may not ever be over it. I am sorry that I didn’t stand up for myself more back then and that this is my way of doing it now. I am sorry that people will believe your side of the story and think I am the bad guy for walking away. I am sorry that I let you affect me in such a hurtful way. I am sorry that I let you walk all over me so you could feel superior. I am sorry that I had to turn my back on you, the way you did to me so many times. And finally, I am sorry that my life feels so much better without you in it.
Featured image via Rebe Pascual on Unsplash
