I was blessed (and maybe cursed) with a head of thick, fast-growing hair. Once every two years or so, I chop my hair off and rock a bob for only a few months before it seems it’s already growing at an alarming rate down the backside of my body. I usually joke that I’m like a Chia pet…just add water and POOF! By the time I hit the 8-week mark for my root touch-up, I’ve already been walking around for at least three or four weeks with two inches of roots hanging out. While there certainly are plenty of perks to having long hair (pretty mermaid hair, the ease of tossing it up when you want to be lazy, etc.), there’s plenty of struggles that come along with the reality of having long hair.
Pulling Enough Hair From The Shower Drain To Make A Wig After Every Shower
I can’t tell you how many times during the course of ONE shower that I have to clear out the shower drain. And every time I do, it’s nearly enough to make a wig for a cat or a small dog, if cats or small dogs needed wigs.
Shedding
Even when you’re not in the shower, you’re leaving a trail of hair everywhere. You’re worse than a German Shepherd, but worse because anyone within a 50-foot radius of you will know the long strand they’re pulling off furniture is yours. Despite the fact that you’re shedding everywhere you go, you still manage to have too much fricken hair.
Getting It Caught In Stuff
In your jacket zipper. In the car window. In the crack between the back of your chair the desk behind you. It’s harder to keep track of it when it’s hanging free, which means plenty more opportunities for it to get caught in places it shouldn’t be.
Getting Food And Everything Else Caught In It
The other day, I found myself scraping toaster strudel icing from my hair EIGHT hours after I had eaten toaster strudels because it went completely unnoticed by me. If you drop a glob of food, your hair is there to catch…and there it will stay for possibly hours or even days until you wash it again and notice it. You get fuzzies from your fluffiest blanket stuck in it and don’t even think about going for a leisurely stroll without collecting twigs, bugs, and leaves.
Going Through Conditioner At An Alarmingly Faster Rate Than Shampoo
Girl, you feel me so hard on this one. If there’s a mathematical equation to getting these to match up, I’d really like to crack it. Nothing grinds my gears more than having to start a new bottle of conditioner when I’m only halfway through a shampoo bottle.
The Inevitable Dreadlocks
You can’t go more than a day without brushing your hair or else your hair will begin to form dreadlocks. If you’re wearing any kind of scarf, sweatshirt, or bulky cardigan, you know exactly the rat’s nest that I’m talking about. I think about brushing my hair and I *shudder*.
Trying To Keep It Healthy
Eventually, your hair gets to the length where making sure it’s healthy becomes a top priority for you. You’re shelling out big bucks for good shampoo and conditioner, and you’re even taking the extra time to deep condition it every week. It requires a lot of time, patience, money, and effort – all of which you’re not even sure you have.
The Death Trap It Becomes When It Comes To Cuddling
Cuddling and any kind of intimacy can’t take place unless your hair is up. If he’s the big spoon, he’s facing near suffocation from a face-full of thick, long hair. If you sleep to close and he rolls over, you’re as good as dead because, hey, it fricken hurts to feel like your hair is being ripped from your scalp.
Perpetually Contemplating a Bob
It’s such a pain to maintain such a long mane (that rhymed! Unintentional), so it’s no surprise that you consider chopping it off anytime something minorly inconvenient happens to you or whenever you catch a glimpse of someone else’s super cute bob. You know deep down in your heart that even if you did follow through, you’d be devastated and spend the days following crying and missing your hair.
Constant Neck Pain
All of that hair isn’t weightless. You’ve probably got a good few pounds on that head of yours, and when you get trimmed or thinned out, you really notice the difference. As you scroll through Instagram looking at girls’ beach pictures and wondering how they can really stand swimming with their mermaid hair out and free. You don’t even consider getting near water without your hair up because you know wet hair is going to make it about three times heavier.
Your hair is long and your patience is thin, but many people would kill for hair like that. Though your hair is beautiful, it also doesn’t define you so do what you want with it. Do what makes you feel confident and happy!
Featured image via Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash
