When someone was being rude to you, your parents or teachers used to say “be the bigger person.” Now, when you find yourself getting frustrated over little things, you take a deep breath and move on to be the bigger person. But sometimes you just want to say “screw it and screw you; this is what’s up and I am a very little person!”
Being the bigger person is hard. It takes patience and willpower not to freak the heck out. Trying to stop yourself from yelling at someone who is being catty is so difficult. And I’m sick of it. Here is everything I hold back when I’m talking to fake and selfish people;
Remember when I did something major? Remember how I invited you along to be there by my side?
Remember when I got really good news? I wanted you to celebrate the future with me.
Remember when I accomplished a goal? Remember when I fulfilled a lifelong dream?
Remember that time something bad happened? I wanted someone to tell me it’s okay.
Remember when I was so sad and couldn’t handle things? Remember how I sounded when I cried?
Remember that I wanted to talk to you about it? I wasn’t able to get a word in over you.
And now, now you are inviting me to your events. I’ll say I can’t go.
Now you want me to be there for a selfie and to give you a gift. I’ll be busy that day.
Now you expect me to wish you good luck and say congratulations. The cat’s got my tongue.
I hear that you’re having a hard time. But so was I.
I heard that there’s a lot of things changing and nothing is the same now. That’s how it goes.
I heard that anything I experienced was so much worse for you and I couldn’t possibly understand. So I won’t try.
I know people grow apart and I understand that friendships change. Each individual becomes an adult, slowly but surely, and the bonds that once were are no longer the same. But when I look back at our time together I can see it hasn’t changed all that much. You were like this from the start and I just accepted that sort of treatment.
Friendship is a two-way street and I can’t keep people who don’t think the same around. I can’t use my time for the people that won’t use theirs for me. If you don’t want to hear my troubles or sympathize with my pain, I can’t do that for you. I need friends who lift me up and listen to me. I need people who appreciate what I bring to the table and who can balance with my personality. And I won’t say I’m sorry if that’s not you.
Featured image via Yoann Boyer on Unsplash
