In my past relationships, I have spent the entire time pushing myself to keep a toxic or dead-end relationship alive. I fought opinions of family and friends because I thought this is what relationships are supposed to be like. Sure, couples fight all the time, that just means you love each other. Right? He didn’t mean to hit me, he even said so himself. He told me I can trust him so that just means I should. He said that she’s just a friend, obviously, that means he’d never cheat on me with her. My “before” was just constantly spent catering to someone else’s wants and needs; I had no idea what mine were. I was held as an emotional hostage for so many years I didn’t even know how to have fun anymore or who I even was.
I was always questioning what happened to myself, I was getting mad over things that wouldn’t normally bother me. Instead of sitting down and talking about issues face to face I would storm out and race out of the driveway, recklessly driving the whole way home. It took a couple of years to finally realize I needed to untangle myself from these relationships; I needed to figure out who the hell I was. To say I was wrong about a lot in my life is kind of an understatement.
Life before you, in other words, has been total shit. Life after you, however, has been one of the greatest adventures of my life so far.
You’ve opened every door I walk through, literally and figuratively. You make sure I always walk on the inside of the sidewalk away from the street. You hold my hand shamelessly and kiss me in public. You drop whatever to be wherever I need you. You always demand, “text me when you’re home safe,” and usually stay up until you know I am. You don’t try and change who I am. You always text back, no questions asked. You pull me close in public and kiss my forehead. You always keep your word and promises.
You send me sweet messages just because you know it’ll put a smile on my face. You are certain of me and that you want a future with me. You never stop trying to keep me (even though I’m not going anywhere). You make me feel more beautiful just standing beside you. You still give me the butterflies even after all this time. You have changed the standards I’ve once had and suddenly no one can compare or even come close.
I won’t say I can’t live without you because the truth is we can live without anyone, I would just rather not have to. But my truth is, life is better, sweeter, and a whole lot more complete with you in it. And for all of this, I’m so completely thankful for everything you’ve given me and have done for me. And as cliché as this sounds, I’m completely head over heels in love with you and the life we’re starting together. You have made me feel alive, all because you came into my life like a damn hurricane of epic proportions and knocked me right on my ass. You make me feel more alive than I have ever felt in my entire lifetime.
And I just want you to know that I promise to love you with the same intensity because you deserve to be loved wholeheartedly and without reservations until the very last breath, and I’m so damn lucky I get to be the one who gets to do it.
Originally published on Hiccups & Sunshine
Featured image via Maksim Goncharenok on Pexels
