I wrote this mess of words one night in college. It started because I had just gotten amazing news about something, (I couldn’t tell you what it was now) but all I wanted to do was tell you but I knew I couldn’t. So instead I typed all of this out. I figured I would end up having a sentence or two that I would never do anything with but once I had poured it all out, I realized I had a whole poem.
Your Potential
What am I supposed to do when
the first name my fingers type is yours
but you are too far for me to reach –
when
I close my eyes and see you by my side again
only to wake up the next day and realize
none of it was real –
a dream.
And you are still long gone.
What am I supposed to do when
I need you to be here;
to come back and touch me just one more time
but there are thousands of miles between us..
What am I supposed to do when
I realize it was my fault –
When I realize that you didn’t leave
but I pushed you away
and now you are too far to get back.
What am I supposed to do when
I go to parties to distract myself –
When another boy comes up and asks me to dance.
And all I can think is that he isn’t you.
No matter what he does –
he will never
be you.
What am I supposed to do when
it’s been two goddamn years
and I still crave you.
To see your smile.
To sit next to you again
or walk to class with you again.
What am I supposed to do when
no matter what I do you are always there –
Always pointing out how terribly
I handled
everything
and how I’m just stuck here
waiting to fix it all
with no clear path how to do that.
What am I supposed to do when
you come back –
After years without so much as a breath
and you come back.
Am I supposed to fall back in your arms?
What am I supposed to do when
the potential of you coming back
and telling me you love me
and that it’s all going to be ok
Ruins me?
I don’t know what I’m suppose to do
anymore.
Featured image via Max Okhrimenko on Unsplash
