I’ve always liked to consider myself to be a somewhat confident person. Of course, there are times I feel as though I might break when I hear criticism or I am feeling particularly down. However, I try the best not to let the world get the best of me. I try to focus on what I think of me. Am I happy with who I am? Not always, but I like to remind myself that no one is always happy with everything about themselves.
Lately, I’ve come to question all of this though, because for the first time in a long time I found myself extremely disappointed in my own thoughts. You see, in the past few months, I’ve made a healthy transition in my life. I’ve been trying to eat a bit cleaner and exercise a little more. As a result, I have been experiencing a small amount of weight loss. You would think this would be a positive thing right, as so many of us are aiming to accomplish just that. However, for me, this has been a challenging mental battle.
One day I woke up and looked in the mirror and I saw a body that I genuinely liked. For the first time in years, I could see a flat stomach, my muscles were slightly more toned and it made me feel quite good. The thoughts that followed the positivity though are ones I was immensely ashamed of. I began to wonder if guys would notice me more, or if an ex would have treated me better if only I had just looked this way before.
Seconds after having these thoughts it struck me just how insecure I needed to be in order to have them. In what world would I want to be with a significant other that needed me to be a certain weight or look a particular way? The answer should have been clear and simple, but I couldn’t help but question the role this change in appearance might have in my life.
As the weeks went by, I found myself feeling more and more uneasy about the weight loss. I wanted to be happy because my progress was healthy and good, and I knew that. Yet, I couldn’t help but be ashamed of the turn it created in my mind. I knew I had to change something, and so I decided to make a promise to myself.
I stood in front of that same mirror and I thought to myself that no person, regardless of their role in my life, would get to tear me down for how I look. I promised myself to stop having thoughts that tore down what was an extremely positive change that I had chose to make. No person was ever worth questioning my own health for.
I want to take the confidence I had and use it to surround myself with even more wonderful people. The stronger and healthier I get, the more energy I have and I want to harness that in the best way possible. Society has a million and one things to say about our physical and our mental health, and as important as it is to read and learn and become knowledgeable about it, there is also a time to block it out. For me, that time is now. I don’t want to hear what everyone else has to say or worry about what they think, I simply want to be proud of who I am as a person. Now anytime I look in that mirror, I remind myself of the promises I made and it becomes that much easier to smile and embrace the woman looking back.
Featured image via Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash
