I’m not new to the relationship world. I understand how it works, how to manage it, and the extent to which others feel about it. I have been in a long-term committed relationship for five years now, and this is not a small number to just play around with. However, throughout the extent of my relationship, I have always struggled with outside people trying to get involved.
When you become close with certain people, roommates, best friends, anyone, they will start to see more of your relationship the longer they are around. This isn’t a bad thing. It is nice to have someone else who knows the situation that you can talk to, someone who understands. What isn’t okay, is when people get too involved in matters that don’t concern them.
Does your significant other have that person that is constantly involved? Someone who thinks that they have every right to be just as invested in the relationship as the two individuals who are actually in it? If so, it is time to watch out for these people because they are detrimental to the health of the bond you and your significant other have.
The problem stems from the fact that there are people in this world who believe that they have the right to be just as emotionally invested in someone else’s relationship. What these people need to realize is that a relationship is between two people only. This third party needs to be told from you that:
My relationship is between me and my significant other only.
No matter what, having a third voice is a problem for various reasons. For example, sometimes a third party in a relationship will feel the need to start speaking on your significant other’s behalf. I have had a third party tell me what my boyfriend wants, what he likes, and how he feels about things. As if five years into our relationship I wouldn’t already know these things I am being told. This is immensely frustrating on my end.
Another issue with a third party is that communication between you and your significant other can get misconstrued. Imagine one person in between the two of you who is telling each of you different stories and making comments. This is a problem. If this third party can cause issues between your communication between you and your significant other, the other person needs to be told to stop. Communication is the most important part of a relationship, so to have issues in this area is very harmful to the success of a relationship.
If your significant other is important to you, and your relationship together means the world, it is time to make sure that your relationship consists only of the two of you. Whether a third party is coming on your end or theirs, you need to cut that off before it festers. I have allowed a third person to be involved before, and I allowed it to happen for a long time. This caused many issues in my relationship. So before it gets to that point, take your pair of scissors and cut that shit loose. Your relationship is between you and your lover, and you two ONLY.
Featured image via Diego Rezende on Pexels
Such a good article, totally agree with yours. Thanks
This third-party has destroyed countless relationships particularly when this third-party is single or has already managed to destroy their own relationships….. regardless of whether it be the husbands friends or the wife’s friends if they are allowed to speak or take action without fear of reprisal it has already gone too far and this tells me that quite honestly and unfortunately that there was never an investment emotional relationship placed in the marriage by both parties perhaps One person said will you marry me and the second said yes and in many cases it started with several friends and family becoming involved arranging weddings and receptions parties etc. making decisions in some cases without even the bride and groom in the room I’ve even had to tell my mother-in-law to butt out on several occasions unfortunately my wife failed to do the same which Unfortunately gave her mother more strength to feel that she was still part of her little girls life and her decision making process
I would have loved to do you have a response from my wife as it was where are my wife was playing darts and this is before cell phones and we would have a discussion as to what time she might be coming home on a work night and mostly from my card that she be safe and not have too much to drink etc. so from my part contrary to some was nothing more than a genuine thought unfortunately my mother-in-law was even actually approached me and smacked me in the face for no reason apparently for not preparing dinners after me and the husband coming home after working all day my wife and the in-laws being there with our nine month old baby I was on the front porch when I arrived home and had a beer with my father-in-law Who loved me by the way ….. but my father-in-law asked me for a pint I was more than happy to get him a pint so we had a pint and then I attempted to show him some photos of the past year‘s wedding unfortunately as they had travelled to the western edges of Canada and had to return back to Toronto the following year as they did not have Internet at the time in the early 90s… when I pulled pictures out of in the drawer to show my father-in-law and then mother-in-law came along and ripped the pictures out of his hands including my hands and told us both that he would look at them later….. everyone sat silently there was my name called I had gotten up on the front porch opened my door from my front porch and I said pardon me I didn’t hear what you had asked me she turned around and smacked me across the face apparently because I was supposed to begin boiling potatoes while she her daughter and our granddaughter were taken out for a walk and I was apparently to have potatoes prepared for the dinner after the smack it took me about four minutes to pack up all of their belongings and throw them out on the grass in front of my house and tell them to never return again I regretted that with all my love but my wife did and made never an attempt she simply said oh well that’s my mother if you ever get anything behaviour like this after less than two years of relationship and or wedding or marriage and if your partner is not going to pick up the ball well you need to cut it loose at that point do not I repeat do not waste 25 years as I have done to be told that something simple like oh I was never able to be confrontational with people I said what are you talking about being confrontational just tell them to back off it’s none of their business!!!
I disagree. I am in my first relationship and while my boyfriend has had others, I refuse to listen to him. Why listen to a failure? I get outside perspective and he’s okay with it. It has helped tremendously.