Last year, I took a humour-writing course as part of my Creative Writing degree. For an assignment, I decided to put together a dating résumé and cover letter. It was something I had started as a joke after receiving one from a past significant other, but I could make it funny enough to actually get graded on it.

My professor described my résumé as “Funny, but in a pathetic, sad way”—granted I went out of my way to include details that would develop the humour to be such—but I also found the process highly enlightening.

Regular résumés are a way of collecting as well as ruminating on our past experiences, behaviours, and succinctly expressing the skills and insights we learned from them.

While making a dating résumé started out as a total joke, it actually became an exercise where I critically reflected on my behaviours in relationships, the various stages in my life that had to do with romantic relationships (or lack thereof) and what I learned during each of those periods of time.

Writing a cover letter about why I’m dateable actually made me think about who I am as a person. What qualities do I have that would make me a good romantic partner? Am I really in a place in my life where I could be ready to enter into an emotional relationship? What was supposed to be a light-hearted activity quickly turned into in-depth introspection, which I don’t think is a bad thing.

Reflecting on our past relationship experiences is a good way to learn more about ourselves, what we want, and how we’ve grown throughout the years. And, yes, it is pretty amusing (and slightly mortifying) to remember the past mistakes we made and the phases we’ve gone through.

Even though my dating résumé was handed in and graded a long time ago, I still keep updating it with new information about what I’ve recently experienced. I laugh a little, I cringe a little, but mostly, I think about where I am now in my life and how those experiences have helped form me into the person I am today.

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I couldn’t think of a better time to reflect upon your romantic history. While making a dating résumé might be a little bit of an extra way to reflect, maybe consider journaling, or just sitting down and thinking about it for a while.

Joanna Shepherd

1959 Your Mom Will Adore Me Rd. – Lonely, ON

Icancompromise@gmail.com

SUMMARY   Experience with varying degrees of committed partners has prepared me to handle a range of romantic situations. My ability to ignore people’s faults and go on long walks on the beach has prepared me to effectively participate in an intimate relationship.

EDUCATION

Candidate for MRS Degree (BA) – Currently enrolled in fourth year of program at Western University (2014 – present)                         

Toxic Relationship Certification – London Central Secondary School (2013)

RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE

Ugly Friend at Ryerson Public Elementary School and London Central Secondary School (2001 – 2013)

•    Frequently wore those pants that had zippers around the bottom so they could turn into capris
•    Unwilling wingman for my friends
•    Very good at answering questions such as, “Is your friend single?” and “Do you think she’d hook up with me?”

Hot Mess at London Central Secondary School (2013 – 2014)

•    Closest relationship was with Smirnoff Raspberry Vodka
•    Almost every shirt I wore was a crop top
•    35% Hot, 65% Mess

Very Single at Western University (2014 – Spring 2016)

•    Kissed a boy, once
•    Accidentally felt romantic interest for unavailable males, but pursued them anyway and embarrassed myself
•    Asked my friends to text boys for me because I am socially inept

Not Single at Western University (Spring 2016 – December 2016)

•    Dated a human
•    0/10 would not recommend

Wilding Out at Western University (December 2016 – present)

•    Am a regular at Ceeps Thursdays Bar Nights
•    Focusing on my self-development and future goals
•    Knows all the words to “Feeling Myself.” by Nicki Minaj ft. Beyoncé
•    Occasionally hooks up with guys from my past as an attempt to erase my pervading sense of loneliness

CERTIFICATIONS

Dank Memes Certification through Media and Technology student (2016)
Standard CPR-C/AED  ­– The Canadian Red Cross (2016-2019)
Commits to the Bit­ ­– best friend (2015-2017)
Accidentally goes on dates – Certifier would prefer to remain unnamed (2016)
Looks okay from far away when glasses are off­ – My mom (2017)

VOLUNTEER AND EXTRACURRICULAR EXPERIENCE

Third Wheel (2011 – present)

•    Accompanies various friends and their significant others with only minor complaints and moderate awkwardness

Relationship Counsellor (2013 – present)

•    Listens to friends’ problems regarding their romantic endeavours and offers advice I would never have the confidence to follow myself

AWARDS AND ACHIEVEMENTS

Most Likely to Marry for Money at London Central Secondary School (2013 – 2014)

o   Award for student of the graduating class voted to have the greatest gold digger potential

“A Strong Nine” at London Central Secondary School (2014)

o   Distinction awarded by a guy (in consensus with two of his friends) for being a 9/10 on a subjective scale of hotness, said he “would definitely bang.”

Soph Appeal Award at Western University (2015, 2016)

o   Recognized by my peers for the number of first-year students who hit on me

Photo by Štefan Štefančík on Unsplash