I’ve talked about this issue before, the almost relationship. Heck, I’ve even talked about the situationship too. Both are almost identical, just with different motives by the other person.
No matter how hard you keep telling yourself they care about you, and deep down they probably do, but in the long run, they just don’t care about you enough to want something more. It’s hard to come to that realization especially because the perfect world you thought you had with that person came crashing down.
It’s normal to think you are the problem and to blame yourself. Just know you have absolutely no reason to blame yourself. You gave the almost relationship or situationship the best you could, the other person just didn’t know what they wanted. But clearly, they were interested in you in order to have spent that much time together and show you a vulnerable side for a while there.
You should never dwell on the past and rethink your decisions you believe could have altered their thoughts on you. All you are doing when you reevaluate is sending your thoughts into a downward spiral into a self-deprecating and emotionally draining cycle.
Just because you didn’t have a proper title or the one you always wanted with that person doesn’t mean you have to disregard your feelings. You aren’t stupid for falling for them or foolish for believing you were more than something you were. Love has no title, therefore you are entitled to your feelings.
Rejection always hurts because you always take it personally; it’s no different if you don’t get the job you want or acceptance to the dream school you had your heart set on. It’s all the same feelings. Remember, you are desirable to someone and because one door got slammed in your face does not indicate that you will never get what you want. It just means that path wasn’t supposed to happen on your journey and a new path will open itself up later.
Everyone has coping mechanisms but it’s important to emphasize on what works for you. You need to remember that you shouldn’t feel embarrassed for how you feel after it ends. If they were being unclear about their intentions or were misleading, you cannot blame yourself for falling for them. There is no shame in falling in love with someone who just wasn’t worth it.
It’s so rare for us to feel love in this generation so why not be proud of yourself for allowing yourself to d it? It’s an accomplishment having feelings for someone so strong these days, most people become un-attracted so fast. You need to embrace the love you felt and know that you will get it again one day with someone else.
The way I look at it is you don’t have to feel slightly embarrassed venting to your friends over a boy that you never even had to begin with. You know they support you to your face but there’s a slight shame that you feel because you know they’re probably rolling their eyes and judging you behind your back.
You may not feel entitled to have these feelings, especially because of the influence of other people’s words, but you have every right to treat this like a normal breakup. You absolutely can treat this as a normal breakup because in your mind you practically were. Don’t let other people tell you how to feel or what to do. Do you and remember that you will get that love one day.
Photo by Roberto Nickson (@g) on Unsplash
