When you found your way to me I never suspected the kind of love you would cause me to fall in. It was a short but fast love story I didn’t see coming.
At first you made it seem like we were supposed to be more than we were. We’d go on dates, see our friends and be the couple that everyone thought we were. Only, we never had that special conversation about it. I thought it was assumed at first by your actions.
Then we found ourselves quickly in that pattern where all we ever did was stay in bed and not do a thing. Or we’d only ever meet up at night. Yet you never verbally treated me like a booty call. You had more respect for me than that; Or so I thought.
Then it dawned on me, the only time we ever leave the house these days is to go hook up. I became so naive and blinded by your physical actions and words that I didn’t see the front you put on.
The only place we ever went was to the backseat of your car.
The car would be parked in a sketchy spot in the woods or in a random parking lot away from the hustle of the town we lived in, yet close enough we didn’t have to drive too far. I didn’t get the luxury to be taken to a bed to be made love to. I was dragged to a sketchy parking lot to get carelessly f*cked.
I wasn’t worth being taken anywhere else for any other reason besides sex. I deserve to be taken out to more places than your backseat.
How could I have let myself fall victim to another monster trying to manipulate me into getting into bed with him? How did I not see the signs sooner? Have I always been this naive? Will I always be this way? Does he know I know his intentions? Why me? Why again?
While I ask myself these questions and put blame on myself yet again, I have to remember that I’m not at fault. You are. I’ll give you credit, you got what you wanted. And it’s disgusting to think you were able to achieve that so effortlessly.
But by coming to this realization it forced me to recognize a few things about myself. I’m a trusting person who sees the good in everyone, I have a huge heart that can be taken advantage of, I’m loyal and I treat the person I’m with with the utmost respect.
I’m the type of woman any man would be thrilled to have and when the right one comes along, he will be damn proud to show me off to the world and show is love for me.
Featured image via Unsplash
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