Cutting someone out of your life is often more difficult than it sounds. It means that all forms of communication have been cut off, and all interaction is completed. The memories will soon be forgotten, as will that person. But it’s more than just getting rid of someone; it isn’t that easy.
They might have been a toxic person. They could have been a close friend turned bad influence. This person could have transformed into someone you don’t even know. Do they even recognize themselves in the mirror anymore? How could you want to keep them around when they aren’t the person you learned to adore? Maybe the timing was just right.
By deleting them off of social media, you are blocking all access of communication. You won’t give them the chance to see what happens in your life and vice versa. But just because you have cut ties doesn’t mean someone else has, so you will still see interaction with other people. And that might hurt you at times. The reminders of that person will hurt you more than they ever did.
You had to do it for yourself and your sanity. While your intentions might be pure and to better yourself, you will find yourself becoming angry at times. The temptation to confront them will burn in your blood. You might have written messages and just couldn’t press send, or start avoiding crossing paths in fear of how you will react. It’s all normal, just resist the urge to get physical as much as you want to. They are not worth it.
By cutting someone out of your life, you will look like the bad guy. You can explain it to everyone in the world until you are blue in the face, but not everyone will understand the reason. And in terms of the person you are trying to be set free from, they will tell a different story, forcing people to pick sides or change their opinion of you.
You will have to censor your words and be aware of what information you give out, especially in the beginning stages. If word does get back to them about how you’re doing or something you’re doing, you want it all to be positive to seem like you’re in a better place, even though you’ll be an emotional mess and tugged at different directions of feelings.
Just because you chose to not be associated with someone anymore doesn’t mean it needs to cause a rift in other people. It doesn’t give them a valid reason to hate you, but people will. Maybe they’ll be afraid that you’ll leave them next. People outside of your core group of people won’t fully understand or relate to your reasoning, and that’s okay.
It means that there will be an anxiousness before every social function for a while. You don’t want to see them at events but that risk is always there and you need to accept and expect it. It’s okay to be nervous at a mutual friends party or being in public. Sometimes if you know they will definitely be somewhere you will have to say no to avoid seeing them, and that’s okay, you’ll have to make those decisions sometimes to avoid conflict or awkward and unwanted conversation.
What cutting someone out of your life actually means is making the decision to put yourself first. When you get to the point in your life where you feel comfortable being somewhere they might be, you’ll know. You’ll grow to not care once the healing has finished. You won’t be as aware of what other people think and your confidence and self-love will be radiating. You cut someone out of your life for you.
Featured image via Shade Jay on Unsplash
Definitely something I needed to read as I cut someone very toxic out of my life a few months ago, and a lot of people in my outer circle have been reaching out asking why I did what I did. But after reading the article is validated my decision and made me realize that I made the right choice. And whenever the time comes where I will see this person due, to having the same mutual friends I will go in the environment not hurting or worrying what other people will think or say. THANK YOU!
You are most welcome! I’m very glad you were able to get the validation you needed in a difficult time. Always remember you have to do what’s best for you and while some people may never understand it, they aren’t meant to. Keep doing you xo
Helps explain all the have I made right desison doubts- but putting yourself first is main thing – thank u – stay blessed
I don’t think I can leave this guy as much as I need to I feel like I need another guy to just to get the other guy off my mind I just wants real mfr
Thank you for this. It really helps soothe my soul during times where my anxiety levels get the best of me. For 7 years, my boyfriends mom has been on and off with me, leaving me with an impression that she cares about me enough to even emotionally manipulate me. She told me several times that we weren’t friends, yet whenever she acted out and I put space between us, it was convenient for her to call me family suddenly…I’ve learned to stand my ground with her to no longer accept this behavior which comes at a price of my boyfriend telling me that I am overreacting to his mom gaslighting me, acting clueless, completely denying her actions and making me feel like I’m imagining everything. After years of trying to be decent with her I realized I was enabling such behavior which puts both of us at fault. Now, I keep my distance from her 95% of the time and she has tried to reach out to me through email but I keep all interactions to a minimal with her. If I talk to her, I always make sure someone else is around because I’ve grown tired of her telling others that I am overly aggressive with her when I am only honest with her, something she does not do with me even though she calls me family and a friend.
Take care of yourself first and do what’s right. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it causes a lot of anxiety if you have no choice but to be around that person, but it’s the right thing and will lead to your happiness. Teach people how you want to be treated and move on if they don’t respect your wishes.
Hi, very good article.
i have a person in my life that is , well i realized they were manipulitive. very charming in the beginning almost too good to be true. but i have discovered them to be hihgly dishonest, lies, also even once sent me a text that was passive agrssive and almost “stalkish” sounding albiet i ma not usre if the person was trying to stalk me and merely guilt trip me through wondering what they meant by it. or even as a bully tactic. not really sure. but they also seem to not stop texting me about doing something we were nomrally doing on days i told them clearly i wasn’t going to be able to do something they would text me 3-5 times asking me to call them when I am don, ar eyou leaving yet. when will ou be ome et al. a total pest. but they did screw me over on something they has 1.5 monhts notice on that cost me over 100 dollars to get them something to an event they confrmied to me tehw would go to and after i inittially told them i ma NOT getting tickets UNLESS i have confrimation. i have completely stopped responding to them , do not answer any texts , or messages or calls. nor do I pick up.
the easy par tis I already made a decision they are toxic. and oh besides what I said how do I know for sure they are? probably because for example 2-3 weeks ago when they woulnd’ ttake no for an answre i was simply ready to do some shopping at 2 places for an upcming visit from family of only like 5-6 things I needed. i never forget what I need ever. i get home from both places realized i forgot half the stuff i was looking for.
i had to literally go back th enext day when I was more calm to get what I neeeded.
i also find it hard not to be stressed out over them . the biggest issue is they are needy, maniplitive just totally fake, but they live less than a football field away from me and facing from across the street. and often out in their driveway. i have a specific route i like to do and am bascially worried they might see me and start brothing me or even come knock. albiet. of the 30-40 times we ever did anything he always had me come to his house. he almost never ever has come over to mine except i think 3-4 times total. once to inspect some equpment i had that he was knowledgable on an tellnig me what I should ask for. 2nd time somoen he knew was inspecting something on my property to potentically fix something there. 3. walked over with someone else one morning when we all went togehtt but he was only there for like 2 minutes. so not sure if I am worrying too much/ anyway. that is literally my obsticle. i am confident in my decion of pur no contact and i have been good about it.
Is texting a guy who has cdl’s more than five time but it be days between each message a bad thing and something to be cut off fir please help
I was in a relationship for 11 years, 11years of daily and I mean daily alcohol consumption to the point of drunkeness every single day and she blamed it on pressure of work, a mental health nurse, awful racist parents constantly putting me down with no, 0 zero support from a supposedly loving partner, years and years of threats, normal night watching the TV and suddenly she would say, ‘I think we should break up’, followed the next day with, ‘please don’t ever leave me’, 2or 3days later, ‘ I will pay for a deposit on a place for you’, and then the, ‘Your going to leave me for another woman’, in the end I just went on auto pilot until the mother of all arguments and I was single again, a year later my exgirlfriend phoned my mother in a supposed, ‘how are you conversion’ followed by, ‘has he moved on because I haven’t’ and ‘get him to ring me’, which I understandingly totally ignored. I’m now putting the pieces of my life back together having thankfully repaired my shattered heart, and now after 2 years I’m starting to think about a future more genuine relationship, I feel so lucky to have come out of the past and I’m looking forward to a more positive, hopefully happy rest of my life.
Sometimes if you know they will definitely be somewhere you will have to say no to avoid seeing them, and that’s ok