Two weeks ago, my boss asked if I had time to chat with her. She didn’t tell me beforehand, so I knew this wouldn’t be good. We had talked previously about my performance at work. I had been a receptionist for three years, constantly asking to be promoted with no such luck. How can you expect me to be excited for three years at the front?
The HR lady told me she was sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but they were going to let me go. At first, I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it. I was thinking of how I was going to pay my bills, where I was going to work, and if I could get out of this. I had been wanting to leave for a long time now and had been actively searching, even going on interviews, but obviously, nothing stuck.
Even though I didn’t like working there, I still felt defeated and like a failure. But throughout all of this, I have learned what I want out of life, and I have actively seen my life change for the better every day.
I realized what kind of job I truly wanted.
If I got fired for a job I hated, I certainly didn’t want to be in that position again. I realized I’m not just going to find another job because I need one. I want to really like it. I want a job that pays well, has flexibility, and I want to really like the company. I want to be passionate about the job I am doing.
I had to rethink my life choices
With my bank account dwindling, I had to cancel my gym membership to the cute, little, studio gym I was in love with. I had to stop buying face products for the Korean 10 step program. This forced me to only use my money to pay my bills. It is really humbling coming from a salary that you can splurge, to having to start eating oatmeal every day. I have a new appreciation for beauty spending money.
Where was I going to live?
My cost of living is pretty high, and my savings couldn’t fund me forever. With not budging on taking a job I hate, I had to figure out what I was going to do if I don’t find a job in time. I’m not the kind of person who asks their parents for money, I’m not going to couch surf, and so, I thought I’ll have to move in with family.
This meant moving back to my home state. The thought of this was very humbling, and I started to cry, I love my city. I love how much there is to do, I love the weather, and I love riding horses. But what is better, getting a job I hate where I’m at most of the day, or restarting in a different city? I’m going to choose the latter. Because I care more about my mental state now.
My overall health is amazing.
After a few weeks of being unemployed, I noticed how much more relaxed I am. I didn’t realize my job was killing me. I was working at a fast-paced firm, and the people I worked with were the most high maintenance people I have ever met. They needed it done right now, and their way and they needed their hand held the whole time.
These people come from some of the most prestigious schools and they still don’t know how to get on a conference call. The joke I told everyone is I don’t have kids, because I have 100 at the office. I didn’t need to wipe someone else’s ass. I’m not hating my life and I’m not stressed out anymore. My physical health is better after losing my job. My boyfriend has been commenting on how good my body looks. Before, I was too thin, now my body is at a better, healthier weight.
I have been working for about ten years now, and I never thought I would get fired. But, that’s life and shit happens. It’s still hard to think about, but was has evolved has been amazing. I’m realizing the kind of life I want to live, having higher standards for myself, and better physical and mental health. I wish I could say I found this amazing job and everything is amazing.
Sadly, I’ve been denied more than the phone interviews I have received. Sometimes it’s challenging being home and not knowing what’s going to happen next. However, I accept responsibility that I started this mess, and I’m choosing my way to get out if. Personally, I think it’s better to love the life you live, then to just be skating by on fumes.
Photo by Blake Lisk on Unsplash
