We have gone over this time and time again, but my best friend won’t listen to me. She keeps thinking that this time is it, he is the one. She keeps writing love songs and dancing around as if love has finally found her. Once again I told her, let’s pump the breaks and go into this easy and slow. We have had our moments when we have seen “Red”, feeling “Fearless” acting like it was “1989” and we were a kid with a crush all over again, but it isn’t the time to “Speak Now” about it being love. I mean honestly girl your “Reputation” has never been, so you have to pump the breaks and continue on this tour of man hating with me. Sorry best friend, I can’t handle your happiness. Taylor you need to ditch the new man and come back to your man hating roots.
Taylor when I’m sad and lonely, I need you to be sad and lonely with me in a song that I can just cry to. When I’m weak and feeling insecure, I need you to be there to pick up the wreckage with a song that can make me feel uplifted and motivated. When I’m feeling reminiscent and awful about the new guy that I have just been with, I need you to remind me that girl power is where it’s at and that we will move on to another guy someday soon. But happiness… No Taylor, that is not a part of our repertoire. Men can’t bring us happiness. Happiness that comes from a man treating us right is just something that isn’t for us.
Happiness over a man isn’t something that we should be celebrating. We have learned before that it will end soon after it begins, so why would we want to sit at a piano and write songs about his beautiful blue eyes or the way his laugh warms my icy heart? Why would we want to acknowledge the fact that he has a way of making our heart race at a mile a minute or give him the confidence in knowing that we’re committed to him one hundred percent? Why would we want to get our hopes up once again on this Taylor?!
We know that he is going to screw us over time and time again, so why celebrate him now in your music? He isn’t the “King of My Heart” because I won’t let him be. He is “Gorgeous” and he knows he can rip off my “Dress” at any point, so why would I “Dance With Our Hands Tied”? Sure I would love to be his “End Game”, but we all know I’m going to end up reverting back to getting in a “Getaway Car” to protect this “Delicate” heart. I know you said “Don’t Blame Me”, but I do. Now “Look What You Made Me Do”. I wrote something all about my hatred of you being happy.
Obviously this is all a joke. I’m a huge Taylor fan, so Swifties don’t be hating. This is just the mental battle that I have every day with Taylor whenever I hear one of her love songs come on the radio. If Taylor is happy, I’m happy for her too, but when you’re single and still man hating and you listen to Taylor’s “Reputation” album, it kind of makes you want to drink heavily and curse out your best friend’s happiness.
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