Chickens, Loafers & Drama: The Ultimate Recap Of ‘The Bachelorette’ Premiere

May 29, 2018

The Bachelorette is finally back, and this time it’s Becca in the position of handing out the roses. I will say, while I liked Becca during Arie’s season, I worried she would be maybe a little dull as a lead. She proved me wrong in this premiere, never afraid to put the men in their place and offer some sassy remarks when needed, yet still remain a stable lead who genuinely wants to find love.

The show opens with a recap of how Becca got her heartbroken, and thankfully this was kept brief. We then got to see some B-roll of Becca walking through a beautiful glass greenhouse, getting cheered on by joggers, and doing anti-gravity yoga (as one does). We also get to see Becca meet with former Bachelorettes Rachel Lindsay, Jojo Fletcher, and Kaitlyn Bristowe to get some advice, since all three of these women are still with their picks today. They sage both Becca and the mansion to rid the demons of Arie as well as drunk Bachelorette contestants past. I mean, for the most, this saging seems to work, as Becca seems more than over Arie and no one gets blackout on the first night!

Noteworthy limo entrances:

First out of the limos is Colton, he brings confetti and seems normal and friendly enough. He’s noteworthy as the first people out of the limos tend to be top contenders, as they are the people that the producers think the lead will like.

I thought Grant seemed really sincere and cute with his simple entrance, but I guess Becca didn’t agree as he was later sent home.

Clay makes a lot of football puns, but he does them with a hint of irony, so I’ll give him a pass. He has the looks of an NFL player but the voice of a stodgy Victorian Literature professor. I do think Clay seems sincere, and I expect him to stick around for a bit.

Jean-Blanc gets Becca to say “Let’s do the damn thing” in French, and though I am already sick of this catchphrase, I thought this entrance was actually done quite smoothly and he and Becca seemed to have a bit of natural banter between them. I was also impressed that Becca commented on how good he smelled, as it gave colognoisseur shtick a little credibility.

John comes in and says something sweet about his grandma finding love. He also goes the wrong way when walking into the mansion, instantly making me like him even more than I did.

Jordan gets out of the limo and pauses to get his “pensive gentleman” face on before turning to look at Becca as she awkwardly says hello from afar. He tells Becca, of her dress, “I was not expecting this colour; it’s perfect on you.” As he walks away, she compliments his “fun shoes.” Though I do not forsee romantic love for these two, at least they can appreciate each other’s fashion, especially since Jordan spent 6 hours hand-selecting everything.

Nick wears a racing suit only to promptly strip it off, making a dig at Arie. Mike, however, has him beat at the Arie-slamming limo entrances, as he has brought a full-on cardboard cutout of Arie so that he could see how happy Becca was without him. Absurd, but funny. I thought it worked, and loved that the Arie cutout was seen hanging about the cocktail party for the rest of the night.

Garrett shows up in a mini-van, stocked with diapers, a carseat, and other family-oriented supplies to show Becca the kind of future he wants. Becca seemed incredibly charmed by it.

But better, I thought, was Blake, who came in on an ox! Previously, Blake had ridden in on a horse when he met Becca at After the Final Rose. Does Blake have connections to a farmer?? Regardless, I think Blake seems really sweet and he’s one of my personal favourites.

Kamil comes out and does this weird thing where he at first meets Becca in the middle but then insists she comes over to him, calling it 60/40. Becca, being amazing, does not agree and says she prefers 50/50 and stays put. I’m not sure if he meant this as a joke, but she was clearly very over him the moment he said this.

Next up is Trent, who pulls up in a Hertz and jumps out, claiming “Oh my gosh, Becca, when I heard you were the Bachelorette, I literally died!” I give him a C for the pun, but an A+ on the enthusiastic delivery. I bet ABC loves him for giving them great content for their promos.

David dresses up as a chicken and says “BE-CAW” a lot.

Chris finishes it out and brings an entire choir with him, which was actually quite cool, but I really can’t get past the fact that Chris looks like the bad guy in a bad 90’s Lifetime movie.

Then night gets started, and already there is drama brewing. But first, Becca sits down with Clay, and the two of them make figures of each others out of clay (get it?). While I don’t see too much chemistry between them, they did seem to have a natural friendship, and for that reason I think Clay will stay a while.

Becca also dunks with Christon, which was actually kind of impressive (though I bet the producers were really rooting for him to fail), and has nice chats with Garrett, Blake, and David. I definitely see some potential with some of these guys, and I think Becca is agreeing at this point.

However, the drama begins when Chris speaks to some of the other men regarding a text message he received from an ex-girlfriend of Chase’s. The whole situation is pretty confusing for the viewer, as nothing specific is said about how Chris knows this ex-girlfriend or what exactly that text said, only that it brought Chase’s intentions into question. I was willing to give Chase the benefit of the doubt on this whole text message debacle, at least until he basically called his ex-girlfriend crazy and shook his head and with a laugh said, “Women,” as if to imply they all are. Sorry, Chase, but you can’t blame your smarminess on an entire gender.

The other drama comes from Jake, an acquaintance of Becca’s who had never showed interest in her until this night, when he showed up on her reality television show. This rightly makes Becca question him, and though she claims they have meant multiple times, he claims he only remembers meeting her once, again raising red flags. He states he’s had a “transformative year” and is a different person than the man she originally met. When she nicely decides to send him home, he indignantly replies that “If you and I met in a bar tomorrow, this whole thing would pan out differently.” It’s pretty clear by the look on her face that Becca thinks that is definitely not the case, and she sends Jake home, and he becomes the first casualty of the night.

Garrett receives the first impression rose. Becca claims she likes him because he reminds her of home and knows that her family would absolutely love him. I think this is a solid reason to give someone the first impression rose, and he and Becca share a kiss. While I think Becca definitely likes Garrett, I don’t totally see the chemistry with the two of them yet, but I have no doubt he’ll be around for a long time after tonight, so we’ll see if this develops.

Then it’s time for the rose ceremony!

Stays: Lincoln, Blake, Rickey, Jean-Blanc, Christon, Clay, Wills, Connor, Jason, John, Ryan, Alex, Nick, Trent, Colton, David (Chicken), Jordan, Leo, Mike, Chris.

Goes: Chase, Grant, Joe, Kamil, Christian, Darius.

They all take their exits gracefully, although Kamil is understandably “really embarrassed” to have been beaten by a chicken.

Top 4 predictions:

Colton – I stand by my early prediction of Colton even though he was fairly under the radar this episode.
Garrett – Becca gave him the first impression rose, and all three of the last Bachelorettes have chosen the person who received this. I can’t deny that, despite the fact I don’t fully see it between these two.
Blake – Becca seems to really like Blake and I thought it was telling that they both said identical statements regarding their past relationships to their friends. It’s an important thing to connect on, and I also really like Blake, so I hope she keeps him around.
Lincoln – Becca called his name first at the rose ceremony, and he was in the upcoming promos a lot, so okay, Lincoln can be in the fourth spot for now, though we have yet to see a lot of conversation between he and Becca.

ALSO, Jordan can’t be real, right? This is a character, yes? I mean, I hope it’s not, because that would make him all the more hilarious and baffling, but I just can’t believe a person like him exists.