When I was 17, I struggled with suicidal thoughts.
There were so many things going on in my life, and I wasn’t sure how to handle my emotions. My parents had abused and neglected me my entire life , and when I was 17, they put me through something that was just the icing on the cake. I had hit a breaking point. I didn’t know how to get back up. I truly felt like there was no way to get back up. So, at this point, I felt like ending my life was the only way to end the pain and suffering.
However, through the process, I kept trying my best to see life through. I kept trying to and write out my problems as one of life’s little tests. I successfully talked myself out of suicide. It wasn’t an easy process, and at the time, I felt like I had plenty of reasons to die, but I also saw that there were reasons not to. I decided to share those reasons.
13. I knew there had to be more.
This may seem like an obvious reason, but when you are struggling with suicide it can be difficult to see past the pain. I wanted to believe that there was more to my life, and if I ended it, I would be cutting off many opportunities. I knew life was more than that moment, more than my situation.
12. I got to go to college.
I had already been accepted to college and had chosen a school. I knew what I was going through was hard, but I wanted to live out my dreams. I decided I needed to live to be able to see those dreams come true, and I’m really glad I did. I am thankful to be where I am today. I don’t take going to school for granted because I almost didn’t have the opportunity.
11. I found my true friends.
Before college, I didn’t really have friends. There were people who pretended to be friends, but I don’t think anyone really was there for me. However, college provided me with a great support system, a wonderful group of true friends. They were worth staying alive for.
10. I met my sister.
She was seven when she came into my life, but I am so blessed to have her. I didn’t know then that I was going to meet her, but once I did, I realized that life had more to offer me than I ever thought possible.
9. I found my passions.
Before college, I never had an opportunity to explore my interests. I was always doing things for other people. But, once I got the chance to explore who I was, I found things that I really enjoy. My passions make life more enjoyable.
8. I learned that there are people who really do support me.
Besides my friends, there are people who do want to see me succeed. There are people who believe that I can do the anything I want and be the person I want. I didn’t have support before, but finding it now puts things into perspective.
7. I am proving people wrong.
There were a lot of people who didn’t think I could do anything because of what I was going through. They thought I was too broken, too insecure. If I had died,those people would have been right. It feels really good to prove them wrong.
6. I found my self-worth.
Or, at least I’m finding it. I’m not perfect. I still sometimes feel broken and insecure. But I’m learning that I am worth something. My life has value. I don’t have to prove my existence to anyone. As I continue to live, I am learning that I, too have a place in this world. I have as much a right to live my life as anyone else.
5. I became the person I needed.
I am living the life I always wanted to live. I am doing my best to be the person I needed when I was younger. I want to make that person proud of me. I want to live the life I envisioned that got me though all that suffering. I believe that I deserve that.
4. I needed to know that the world was better than that.
There are terrible things in the world, but I needed to see that somewhere, there were good things. I needed to see that the world could offer me something worth living for.
3. I needed to be a light.
I wanted to show people they weren’t alone. I wanted to show them a positive example. I wanted to show them that there are reasons not to die. Life is hard, but your life is worth living. I knew I could make a difference.
2. I already knew there was a purpose.
Unfortunately, there was a reason I went through everything I went through. I knew that my life was going somewhere positive. I had to stay alive to see that purpose and to live it out.
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God.
I don’t have the best relationship with God, and I don’t spend as much time with Him as I should, but He has always been there for me. He has kept me pushing on. I’m really glad He has.
I haven’t had the best life, but I have learned that my life isn’t the worst. I have many things going for me, and I am really glad I stayed around to watch them all . I know there is more coming, and I am excited to see where life goes. There are people around me who love and care about me. That’s the most important thing. I am excited to share my story and hopefully have a positive impact on other people.
