“You’re not in love with them, just the idea of them,” is such a common phrase we hear people say all the time but until we are in the situation where we have to truly ask ourselves if it’s true, we never really think of it. And when we do it’s usually hard to tell the difference between loving someone or loving the idea of them.
Ask Yourself If You’re Trying to Fill The Void Of Something
This requires a lot of thinking and a lot of soul searching so it may be emotionally draining. Are you trying to find companionship or intimacy with someone because you miss having a body to be next to? Are you seeking validation from someone else? And Are you just looking to fill up your time? Regardless, if you think you are trying to fill an empty space, you probably are, which means you probably only like the idea of them to fill a void and that’s it.
The More Time You Spend Together The Less You Enjoy It
When you genuinely are romantically interested in someone you will quickly notice how much they enhance your life and how experiences become so much more special even if they are simple. Love helps us learn to be humans and bring out or emotions the most. You can’t substitute that feeling with anyone else. And by seeing this person a lot and either feeling bored or not that excited about life. It’s a good sign that you are just interested in the idea of them. You should be thrilled to go shopping with your interest simply because you just get to spend more time with them.
You Can’t Seem to Get Over Their Imperfections
Obviously when you spend a lot of time with your partner you learn a lot about their quirks. If you truly love someone you can fairly easily accept them for who they are. Otherwise, those annoying traits, such as; angry, stubborn, negative, controlling, and selfish, will drive you up the wall. If you sort of tolerate them but notice they are there all the time, you are probably interested in the idea of them.
You Don’t Feel Like They Complete You
If you don’t feel like your partner is fulfilling your expectations of satisfaction and completion, there’s a good chance you aren’t interested in them. When your with someone you should be complete on a deeper emotional level. But if there are roadblocks that keep preventing you from diving that deep together than something is holding you back. Yes, you need to feel complete as an individual, but you should also feel complete as a couple too.
You Unknowingly Expect Them to Do All of The Work
Relying on a relationship to fix your emotions basically means that your relationship is doomed from the start. Using someone else as an adjustment during a specific period in your life won’t work. On the flip side, you also shouldn’t rely on your partner for bringing everything into the relationship. While you just sit back and make them work. Relationships are about balance and if it sounds like you… Then you might just want someone to fulfill you specifically in any given way. Rather than being in a deep-rooted commitment to them.
It’s super hard to determine if you are interested in the person or just the idea of them. But these tips should help you dig a little deeper to figure out your situation a little easier. Obviously, if you find yourself mentally making excuses or having to deflect any of these points I think the answer is obvious,
you’re in love with the idea of them, not the person.
Featured image via Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
