I’ve let it have too many parts of me. It’s stolen my joy. I’ve let it take control of my life and leave me with nothing but agony and pain.
I’ve let it rip away my sunshine and replace it with dark rain clouds. It’s stolen my happy songs and replaced them with tunes I can no longer bear to listen to. I’ve let it take all my days, both good and bad.
My anxiety has won far too many times. I’ve let it wear the crown.
It’s a never-ending battle between my head and my heart.
The world didn’t always look this scary. I didn’t fear every corner, every turn. But now, everything scares me. Everything haunts me with your face.
If you live with anxiety, you know this “frightening” face well. You recognize its presence and dread its return.
If you live with anxiety, you understand all the “relentless” conversations I’ve had in my head, the whispers that talked me out of moving forward in life. You can relate to all the times I was too afraid to start, too afraid to stop because my fear held me back.
I’ve let anxiety have all my victories and defeats. I’ve let it win far too many times.
Anxiety disguised itself as sadness, so I cried. On every restless night, anxiety’s face could never escape me.
I’m praying that one day, my anxiety’s terrifying face will leave. I’m praying that one day, I can muster up my strength again. I pray one day, I once again find my pride, my confidence, and anxiety will no longer steal it away. I pray that one day, I will look in the mirror and not see my anxiety staring back.
If you let it, anxiety can make a home in you. I’ve let it burrow its way into my heart. It’s unpacked its bags and overstayed its welcome. I’ve let anxiety feel too comfortable in my skin, even as it’s presence has made me feel uncomfortable with myself.
But I can’t hold onto my anxiety anymore. It can’t stay within me. I can’t let it make itself a home in my heart. I can’t let it poison and consume me.
I’m finally going to take my life back from my anxiety. I’m going to regain the control I’ve lost for far too long. And I know that with time, the face of my anxiety will disappear, and all that will remain is my happiness.
Featured image via Cristobal Baeza on Unsplash
