It’s clear that there’s a lot to love about sex. But even though I love the act and the things affiliated with it, there is a big stigma that surrounds women being empowered by their sexuality. Sadly I have often felt I can’t be openly comfortable with my interests or desires. There are often topics I know I cannot bring up in certain discussions, and as a whole I felt it easier to just keep quiet.
For a while, I was ashamed of the number of sexual partners I’d been with and fearful that I was considered a slut. I thought it was weird if I was the only one in my friend group who regularly masturbated or had strong urges for sex. I was always worried that a sarcastic comment would slip revealing a potential interest my friends might not have known I had.
So I started having a secret life. In that life I was able to explore a little more. Over time I became more confident and empowered with this sexual side of myself and I was able to really embrace it. I would keep what I did (and who I did) private except for telling maybe one or two super close friends who I knew wouldn’t judge me for my freak level.
Luckily for myself I was able to discover a lot about my interests and was able to expand on learning how to embrace my sexual desires through these specific experiences. Hopefully they can help give inspiration to empower other women too.
1. Using Sex Toys
I found that by using sex toys it taught me about how to actually achieve an orgasm and what I need to do to have one. I started out with only one, but eventually expanded my collection and now have a handful of options to make myself feel god when my sexual partner isn’t even there.
For more information on buying sex toys for the first time, please see here.
2. Finding a Consistent Partner Who I Felt Safe With
I can’t stress enough how important it is to find someone who also likes the same things as you or is willing to try the same things you’re interested in too. By having someone in your life that you can have physical contact with but still have a trusting relationship is important because you feel more comfortable and safe. You won’t have to fear being judged, you know if it hurts they’ll stop and at the end of they day they respect you and your boundaries. That comfort will allow you to expand on your interests and experiment in a safe way.
3. Watch Porn
I know there’s a huge debate about whether or not watching porn is healthy. However I took a more educational approach when I watched it. Instead of watching it for pleasure, I would watch it to learn some of the tricks and tips that the stars in the films did. Whether it was techniques on how to give a blow job or new positions to try, trying these out for myself in person gave me skills to make me feel good and stronger in bed.
4. Wearing Certain Lingerie
Believe it or not I was never one for lingerie. But after talking about it with my girlfriends and hearing how much they enjoy wearing it to clubs and bars, I figured why not try it in my wardrobe. I found some bodysuits that I liked that made me feel confident and flattering and it actually helped me get this bad bitch mentality and confidence when dealing with men.
5. Hooking Up With Someone Much Older
While I did not intend for this to happen, I actually credit this a lot to coming to the realization of what I deserve in the bedroom. He was experienced, loved sex as much as I could, was someone I deeply trusted and emphasized the importance of ensuring a woman was pleased first and more than he was. Because he focused so much on me I was able to learn if a man was selfish in the bedroom, I didn’t want to sleep with him because sex is about two people and not one. As a result my sex got so much more better because it actually felt good for once.
For more of that experience you can read more here.
My hope in sharing these experiences is that if someone else feels trapped inside a box that they might discover some ways to burst open too. It’s intimidating being the only person who might seem outlandishly wild compared to their friends, but the more you do these things, the more empowered and comfortable you’ll be with yourself. That shame or embarrassment you might feel will be gone and eventually your friends might even come to you for tips or advice.
Sex and empowerment can absolutely be synonymous. It’s just a matter of coming to that realization and embracing it with everything you have.
Featured image via Dainis Graveris on Unsplash
Watching porn isnt useful. after that you think you are not enough