So, you thought “The Plastics” were bad? Nah, they were just the ones who made the final cut. Here are seven other toxic women who make your life feel like an off-the-script version of “Mean Girls.”
1. Lara Center-of-the-Universe
Regina George may have been the ringleader, but make no mistake, Lara’s the bride at every funeral. Sure, she may have some sort of talent or skill that makes her sort of special. Maybe, she’s developing sources of renewable energy on her off days, but she lacks empathy and does not recognize that other people are special. She definitely refuses to share the limelight. She may appear gracious and kind, but that’s only if she doesn’t perceive you as a threat. The second you start having a life, she will tear you down like everyone else before you.
2. Nancy I’m-The-Victim-Here
Shitty things happen in life, but Nancy sees herself as the star of her own soap opera. Everyone has wronged her, and everyone is out to get her. Of course, you serve as the sympathetic side character and will be an exception… if you play your cards right. You see, to the Nancies of the world, your truth doesn’t matter. Heaven help you if you point out an inconsistency or ask for details. You will be jettisoned from the sacred “friend” status to join the ranks of all the other abusers.
3. Amanda My-Brokenness-Is-The-Ocean
Sitting directly opposite of Nancy is Amanda, who has A Very Sad Past and whose pain is all her fault. She may or may not have received therapy. You don’t know because her story keeps changing. What doesn’t change is the fact that she will tell you all about her mistakes and how she is “so very sorry” for being toxic. At first, you think she is courageous for owning her story so openly. As things transpire, you discover that she was just training you to hold very low expectations. When she inevitably hurts you, she will follow up with operatic self-flagellation, crocodile tears, and renditions of “No Good” by Amy Winehouse.
4. Aphrodite
She is the best thing to happen to the world and believes that STIs are a conspiracy to keep people from enjoying themselves. Her partner owes her total fidelity, but she is free to go to anyone that tickles her fancy. She will occasionally drop some intelligent-sounding gem about being too much of a free spirit to bow to convention, while simultaneously refusing to allow others the same freedom. Any attempt to warn her current victim will backfire. Aphrodite eventually makes everyone else the villain.
5. Victoria Just-One-Of-The-Guys
She read the book “Gone Girl” and decided it was a blueprint for how to live her life. Her slogan is “I don’t get along with other women, but I make an exception for you.” She may occasionally talk like a feminist, but she will be more misogynistic than any guy you’d ever meet. In her eyes, all other women are inferior. Only she is special enough to be “one of the guys.”
6. Zara the Giver
She brings gifts for birthdays, obscure holidays, and sometimes just because. She always has refreshments, and her ears are always open to hearing your problems. What you don’t realize is that her gift-giving comes with a catch: She expects you to give her your undying fealty and complete submission.
On the surface, Zara seems like an answer to your prayers: A truly selfless, wise person that you can count on. To her, though? You’re a pet, except without any of the obligations a dog or a goldfish brings. She expects you to entertain her anytime she calls or stops by. She is deeply insulted if you don’t follow her advice. And heaven help you if you forget her “special occasions” – you’d be better off buying your own cakes forever.
7. Chloe Why-Do-You-Care-About-Stuff-Anyway
Most mean girls are happy to dole out mean words and gestures. Chloe, however, likes to go for stuff. She’ll worm her way into your life, then methodically take away anything you care about. You like drawing? She’ll vandalize your sketchbook and then say, “Well, it’s not a Da Vinci, is it?” You collect mementos from important occasions? She’ll throw out your entire collection and then pretend she thought it was garbage.
Chloe is a mindf*ck. She’ll slowly whittle away at your passions until your self-esteem is nothing more than a nib. The worst part? The only way to get rid of her is to ignore her advice.
At the end of the day, there are lots and lots of Plastics. What do they have in common? The same thing angry, controlling men have in common – raging entitlement and a refusal to see others as worthy of respect. They believe that their needs trump everyone else’s. How do you fight back? By pushing against that belief, by taking up your own space. Remember that no matter what they say or how they operate, that you are worthy. Stand tall and don’t let any of these female bullies get the best of you.
Now, watch out for the wolf in sheep’s clothing…
Featured Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash.
