Welcome to “Ask Ada,” a weekly series in which we answer all those burning questions you’d rather not share aloud. Buckle up for some brutally honest advice!
I’m in university, and I have a really hot TA. At first I thought I had an unrequited crush but lately, I get the feeling that he’s into me too. He hasn’t done anything inappropriate, but I just know that he’s catching feelings. How do I ask out my TA?
Signed,
Fred
Hi Fred,
There are no special ways to ask a TA out.
You simply do the same as you would for anyone else: You open your mouth, and you use the words “date,” “with me,” and if necessary, “only if you want to, of course.”
If you follow through, one of two things will happen next:
- Your TA will tell you that your feelings are flattering, but he can’t go out with you. As a matter of fact, he might be a lot less kind than you would like. Then, for the rest of the semester, he will act awkwardly around you. He will refuse to be alone in a room with you. He may even request to TA a different class, and depending on how big your university is, you might never see him again.
- You and your TA will go on a date. It’ll be awesome… until he says that you need to keep your budding romance quiet. At first, you will agree to keep your date on the DL, excited about the secrecy. Your relationship will be extremely passionate and devoted, but only in private. And then, things will get bad. You’ll try to share your burning secret, but your TA will just laugh. Who would believe you? Nobody knew that you were dating him in the first place!
I hope you don’t ask out your TA. If you do choose to ask him out, I hope he responds with option 1.
Look, teachers and teaching assistants work best when their students are engaged and happy. It’s not rocket science – human beings simply learn better when they actually want to be in a classroom. Being a TA involves a heaping emotional labour load, so if I were you, I would think twice before you construe his “niceness” as a sign of him being into you.
But what if he really is? And what if I’m into him, too? What if he’s my soulmate?
Then you and your TA can both wait until you finish the class. Better yet, you can both wait until after you graduate.
Any teacher worth their salt recognises the importance of impartiality in the classroom. No matter how much they root for their students, they can’t play favourites. If they do show favoritism, they risk muddying the waters for the rest of the class. After all, teachers hold powerful positions, so they need to refrain from abusing that power for the sake of a good time.
Teachers who think power play doesn’t matter, teachers who jump at every opportunity and don’t think about the larger consequences of their actions… are f*cking creeps.
You’re better off leaving heartbroken than dealing with this shit, so go date someone who isn’t grading your term papers.
Good luck!
Ada
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