If you’ve ever found yourself in an argument with someone, you’ve likely heard the phrase, “Grow up.” Or, maybe you’ve told someone else to “grow up.” Usually someone uses this remark if they think the other is being immature. You shouldn’t say it, and here’s why.
It isn’t productive.
If you tell someone to “grow up,” they’re not actually going to change their actions. Instead, you’ll just make them angry. Think instead of more constructive ways to get your point across, or better yet, try to understand what they are feeling and why.
It’s disrespectful.
This phrase is commonly used as an insult. It’s for someone trying to seem more mature or like they’re above the other person. It’s best to treat the other person how you would like to be treated. Treat them as an equal. Telling someone to “grow up” is very petty and disrespectful.
It’s immature.
If someone is arguing with you, it means they care enough to tell you something they’re unhappy about. Don’t throw this in their face by taking it personally. They are trying to be open and honest with you. Part of maturity is the ability to have productive and respectful disagreements. It’s difficult, but it’s absolutely necessary in order to maintain healthy relationships.
Things can get out of hand during an argument. The best way to prevent this is to communicate calmly and to listen. Avoid taking what they say personally — they’re just trying to be honest with you. Additionally, don’t make accusations or insults. Instead, explain to that person how you are feeling and why. If you aren’t sure why they are upset about something, then just ask more questions. This will show them that you care.
If you end an argument by telling someone to “grow up,” that says more about you than them. It means you are dismissing their feelings and you aren’t willing to listen. It tells the other person that you don’t care about their feelings at all. It means that you care more about being right than you do about resolving the problem. It reflects your own insecurities.
Before you tell someone to “grow up,” take a look at yourself. It may highlight a need for you to mature. Even if you’re a full-grown adult, personal growth is never complete. Next time you feel like telling someone to “grow up,” tell yourself instead!
Feature Image by Charles 🇵🇭 on Unsplash
You sound insecure but alwell some people don’t want help.
most people who say that have deep rooted issues about themselves theyre probably waaaaay more immature than you are
Says the hypocritical troll who’s insecure himself for herself – most likely himself. Didn’t you read what the author of this article typed and posted?!
Like what Jess pointed, you need to take a good look at yourself before you pass judgment. And if you have nothing nice to post, don’t post anything at all.
An interesting point to consider is that most people have insecurities. Accusing the author of being insecure isn’t necessarily an insult, but I believe that’s what you were attempting to do. It’s how you handle your insecurities that says a lot about you, and your comment is very telling.
Actually, the anonymous commenter was responding to comment(s) that have since been deleted. If you read their comments, you’ll see that they’re actually defending the author.
Says the hypocrite.
Odd response. Obviously took this article too personally and resorted to insults, hence reinforcing the message behind this article.
I believe saying to some one Grow Up IT VERY DISRECTFUL. IT LIKE YOUR SAYING TO THE PERSON, I AM NOT GOING TO HELP YOU IN YOUR PROBLEMS. IT DOES NOT DISPLAY A JESUS CHRIST ATTITUDE.
Someone told me to “grow up” once and I always thought to myself before doing something “never mind too childish just like my old self” and I miss the old me. I hate the new me. I hate myself. Sorry off topic.
I guess it depends on the situation, but I certainly disagree with the author in using such a wide brush to reject saying it in every circumstance. Some people need to be told, “grow up” exactly because they are acting childish when they shouldn’t be. No, you don’t tell a kid this, but adults acting immaturely. Then leave it. Over and done. Is the author an expert in life? Or someone paid to write these kinds of sanctimonious pieces?
Ah yeah no…better ways to communicate than to insult and degrade someone. Perhaps the other party who assumes the other needs to grow up has stagnated in their thinking and can’t see outside of their own box. Who needs to do the growing up?
I agree with Kelly. You don’t need to be an expert in life to show empathy for others, but the author never claimed to be an expert. I also think that the perspective shared in the article comes from a lot of life experience.
Sometimes you’re correct, but more often than not, what “K” said is accurate. Telling someone to “grow up” is usually a last resort because you’re dealing with a child playing dress up in an adult body who refuses to listen to logic or reason. In fact, unless you’re dealing with someone too young for any real wisdom (e.g., 16-18yo) or with an egregious lack of self-awareness, people rarely use the phrase “grow up” as a catch all response to a disagreement.
I wish I knew what everyone is talking about when they tell me to grow up
In my opinion and I stand behind it, article lecture or not, I’ve been told to grow up by many that I was disgusted by they’re behavior , the phrase simply put exercises proof of that person’s inability to be mature and logical, in broke down meaning, they live in a perpetuous dream state, can’t balance in life, make rational decisions, always needing attention, lack of nurture etc. Bottom line, the body language says it all, if you can read that, it’s a tail sign the other has severe problems and should be avoided as much as possible, your life will be a bit better and you’ll save yourself a repercussion that may set you hack a while.
Did it ever occur to you that you might’ve been exhibiting a malignant lack of self awareness and maturity when they said it? I wasn’t there, but the tone of your comment suggests that my assessment is likely correct.
Some people should grow up and you should say it if they continue to act childish. Speak the truth and be direct. Don’t try to beat around the bush. By avoiding your own feelings, you are just making it harder on yourself and painting yourself in a corner trying to “act nice” as if it will change everything so drastically while your patience is pushed to the max. I hardly believe saying “grow up” is the first reaction people say when they are wronged. It’s usually a remark later when the other party continues to gaslight and refuses to accept the wrongdoings that pissed off the person (who tried to talk out the matter) will eventually say that.
Here’s a tip. You can walk away for a good while if you feel it’s not a productive conversation – if not days. Certainly, you don’t want one with raw emotions to get the better of you …but if you still feel they indeed were acting like a child after a good moment while YOU took a good moment walking away (and we all know the people who should grow up are going to continue to yap and want to drag on the argument forever at that place and time), go back fresh and tell them so! Repeat the process if necessary!