We all know that seeing your ex move on always evokes some sort of emotion. It may be anger, embarrassment, amusement, or even envy. But what happens when the person they’re moving on to is your friend? Here’s how to handle it if a friend wants to date your former SO.
Traditionally, you assume a friend would never think it’s okay to be romantically interested in your ex, let alone actively pursue them. It’s the ultimate girl code, right? But the situation still does happen.
If your friend approaches you about it, it’s important to emphasize that dating an ex can jeopardize your friendship. Obviously emotions are complicated, but try to remain calm.
At the same time, you shouldn’t suppress your feelings. You must be honest about how it makes you feel because it could cause a lot of issues down the road. If you genuinely don’t mind them dating, then tell your friend so. If it’s going to be a problem for you, then be honest. You don’t want it to develop into secret remorse or hate-filled anger towards both of them.
If the thought of them dating makes you that uncomfortable, make it clear to your friend. If the start of their romantic relationship means the end of your friendship, then they should know that before they start dating that person.
Moreover, it’s important to remember that not all people would be bothered by the idea of a friend and an ex dating. Sometimes breakups aren’t nasty and you just didn’t work out — there doesn’t always have to be bad blood. If your breakup was amicable and you feel you could handle them dating a friend, then vocalize that. Still, be mindful of old feelings coming back and give your friend warning just in case.
No matter what your feelings are, you always have to keep the lines of communication open. You also have to take things slow and not keep any secrets. You don’t need to know every detail of their dating life — just honesty upfront that they’ve started seeing each other.
However, if your friend just starts dating your ex without having a conversation with you first, you should cut ties with your friend. Clearly they don’t have enough respect for you to give you a heads up.
A friend that cares about your feelings wouldn’t do that.
I would cut a girl really fast if she dared try to pull me out from under the rug like that. Friendship breakups hurt more than relationship ones do, but I’d have no choice in this situation. Anyone should feel extremely betrayed and angry by a snake in the grass of a friend like that.
Ultimately, it all comes down to your unique relationships. It’s generally smarter for friends to avoid dating e exes, but if you really aren’t bothered by it, don’t overthink it. You need to do whatever is best for you, and as long as you talk your way through every phase and they are respectful of your feelings then they obviously still care about your friendship. It’s a tricky situation, but good friends can always sort it out with communication and honesty.
Featured image from @ninjason via Unsplash.
