One of the most amazing feelings in the world is when someone who ghosted you comes back into your life. It’s so satisfying because you know you gave the relationship your all, so they knew they were missing something great after it ended. Sure, your heart was broken for a bit, but look who came flying back into your messages: Casper the ghost.
After those initial good feelings, though, you’ll start to feel your heart to drop to the pit of your stomach and a little bit of panic. Your secondary reaction will always be “oh shit.”
Sure, part of you might want to just delete the text because you just want to move on with your life or you’re just so sick of them that you can’t be bothered. But what if you’re petty like me and want to hear what lame excuses they have to say? More importantly, what if you’re really not over them, and want to give them another shot?
Here’s what to do if you are willing to reconsider taking them back after you’ve been ghosted:
1. Read the message carefully
After the “oh shit” sinks in, keep re-reading the message to make sure what they mean. Really read into more than what’s actually there. Examine if they are just bored and looking for something from you or maybe they genuinely feel bad. And if they just send you a “hey,” then allow them to make more of an effort in the conversation. Their effort is important and needs to be appropriate considering their past actions — they need to earn you!
2. Consider your own feelings
Once you’ve digested what just happened more and have a bit of a conversation going, take some time to figure out how you feel. If it starts out with a huge apology then their feelings might be more genuine, but if it’s almost too good to be true then take that as a warning sign. If it is just a “hey” with a bit more small talk before an apology, then they might be nervous to talk but are genuine. And if no apology comes along they clearly don’t know what they did wrong. Take your time to digest whatever it is, and don’t rush to give them a “yes” or “no.”
3. Acknowledge their actions
If you’re happy that they reached out, express it. If you feel they’re being genuine, thank them. And if you feel they need to hear what you have to say (good or bad), say it all. You need to tell them that you appreciate their actions or how it makes you feel — even if that means holding them accountable for their poor actions when they ghosted you. If you don’t demonstrate that change they’ll more than likely try it again.
4. Ask “why?”
Even if you don’t want to have that conversation through text, still ask them why they did it. Their behavior is just as important as their words. Listen carefully, or read carefully, and really get the answers you need to allow yourself to communicate with them effectively. Now is your chance, so you might as well take it.
5. Consider the risk of being ghosted again
As women, we want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so it’s natural for us to want to give them a chance because we believe them. But you should really consider the chances of it happening again. It may always linger in your mind throughout the new relationship.
At the end of the day, if someone ghosted you, chances are they did you a favor by leaving you alone. But there are rare circumstances where that changes and you’re hopeful. Regardless of your decision, just tread lightly and protect your heart. Because no one wants it to break again as it did before.
Featured image via Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
