In a couple of years, I’ll turn 30. Correction: In a little less than two years, I will be turning the big 3-0. One part of me can’t wait to hit the next decade, but another is anxious and filled with some regret.
According to my mother, a woman’s late twenties are a pivotal time in her life. This is when decisions about her career and love life are made. And if she doesn’t have a husband or children already, she is considered to be selfish or luny. Well, my dear sweet patriarch, I am 28, single, child-free, and I still haven’t settled on a career. And that’s okay.
In all honesty, I didn’t choose to be single; instead, singlehood chose me. In fact, I tried desperately to find love. I’ve spent my teenage years and early twenties fixated on romance and relationships. I wanted to love and I wanted to find my soulmate.
As a result, I read books to help me slay the dating world and prepare me for marriage. I read “Solving Single,” “The 5 Love Languages,” “He’s Just Not That Into You,” “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” “Why Men Love Bitches,” and many others. I literally did everything I could.
To go with the books, I made a beeline to male dating coaches of the YouTube world. I was so obsessed with getting the guy and finding my ideal mate that I lost focus of my own self-development.
After a couple of heartaches, disappointments, and sheer bad luck, I had an epiphany. I need to focus on me. I began to put down the books and unsubscribe from those platforms and instead put my energy in me.
So, I chose to take a step back from the garbage that I surrounded myself with. I quickly realized that it didn’t make sense to date without knowing myself. I didn’t know that I would soon value the freedom that came from being single. My need for marriage was a little girl’s fantasy, not a grown woman’s dream.
I have grown to love my hiatus from the dating world.
I’m no longer concerned with swiping left or right. I love doing what I want to do. Oftentimes, people call single women “bitter” or “lonely,” but that is not the case. Those words are used to shame women and keep them from exploring themselves.
These days, dating is the last thing on my mind, I’m still open to relationships, but being in one isn’t my primary focus. I’m not in a rush to find love no matter how old I might get. Instead, I’m slowing down! I’m stopping to smell the roses.
Yes, my dear — being single means that sometimes you will be alone. However, you will never be lonely. I have found my power in being by myself. I found this burst of adventure and abundance. Look, I can’t put my finger on it, but it is an energy that is breaking down my fears and building up my self-esteem. And I highly recommend that for everyone.
Photo by Parker Coffman on Unsplash
