The world recently received an exclusive tour of Kendall Jenner’s new home and the internet WOULDN’T let me live my life until I watched (read: sourly drooled over) the footage. You can find it here.
After watching the tour, I learned Kendall Jenner has some weird sh*t in her new house.
But FIRST, I will say, our girl was serving us a major fashion moment with a Gucci Cotton-Blend Faille dress, matching Gucci Square G Print Faille Flare pants, and Zumi leather slides. She BROUGHT it. This is not something I was not ready for. She is serving it like Serena Williams at the Wimbledon Championship. Plus, this is the best her hair has ever looked, is it not? So already my ego wasn’t in a good place.
Okay, enough about her looks. Here are six things that stood out to me on her home tour.
1. Kendall’s James Turrell: Because nothing screams ‘I’m Artsy’ like buying expensive art no one can make sense of.
Kendall first introduces us to her glowing Easter egg. James Turrell creates light installations that cost an arm and both legs. Jenner explains she meditates under it, as she feels connected to its energy because Kendall is a Scorpio, and Turreel named the art Scorpius. Groundbreaking.
2. A 300 lb Sink: DID I STUTTER? A 300 POUND STONE SINK
Next, we’re escorted to Jenner’s moody powder room off the main entrance. It’s finished in sepia tones, which eras on the side of a haunted hotel look if you ask me. But the main attraction is a massive stone sink which was imported straight from Hades. Jenner informs us the walls had to be restructured to fit it. I don’t know if I love it or hate it but it’s effing weird.
3. Double Dining Room Rugs: Martha Stewart wake the f*** up
Kendall moves on to reveal a lavish wooden dining room table that could comfortably fit the entire Hidden Hills if need be. The farm-style table sits atop not one but two area rugs. I don’t know about you but I am getting a Rachel Zoes and Gwenyth Paltrow vibe. Bless.
4. A Glam Room: Because having your makeup professionally done in a bathroom or a regular room just screams middle America
Listen, I get it. Kendall’s got enough rooms in her house to host the next America’s Next Top Model, which is not a bad marketing idea (if you’re listening, Kris.)
The room is basically a huge bathroom with elongated counter space, wide mirrors, and 40,000-watt lights strangling you from every angle. But the most exotic/fabulous/avant-garde detail of Jenner’s glam room is her vanity wall (her words not mine—ok, mine) which displays Kendall’s framed magazine covers from floor to ceiling. ICONIC, bitch. Iconic.
5. Bizarre art display #2: Peen Ornaments
Kendall saunters into her master bedroom to reveal another baffling accessory. British artist Tracy Emin designed a sizable neon pink light reading the measurements of her ex-boyfriend’s penis, which apparently exudes a length worth celebrating at 22 centimeters. Right below is a message to the new girlfriend, “Hope you’re a happy girl.”
First of all, the sign reads questionable grammar, even if you’re British. The wrong “your” is used. Secondly, whether the message is satiated with cynical undertones, humor, or how the artist has evolved on her own merits, it’s decidedly amusing and I’m here for it. Bravo, Kenny.
6. Copper Energy Rings: Because we are all processing the disaster that is 2020 in different ways.
Kendall shows us the thin copper energy rings laying around her room. Now, what are copper energy rings—you may be asking? No effing clue. Kendall also admits to not knowing WTF they are or what they do, just that they were recommended by “a friend” who she protects the identity of in order to prevent further embarrassment. Jenner goes on to say they make her feel good when she’s around them, to which I say, you do you boo.
There you have it! Overall I was pleased and impressed as I always am with the Kardashian-Jenner clan because they are royalty and everything they touch turns to gold and publicity. You can @ me but I’m right.
Featured image via Century Black on Flickr
