Mental illness is a very difficult and debilitating thing to live with. It can make a person completely dysfunctional at times. Those who are suffering are often in need of support from their families and friends but do not get it properly. Even when people want to help them, they often say the wrong things. While they may have good intentions, sometimes people say things that are not helpful. Here are ten things you can say to someone who is suffering from mental illness:
1. “I am sorry you are going through this, do you want to talk about it?”
Do not assume that I want to talk about it, but rather ask me. If I feel like I need to talk about it, I will. Do not pressure me. Please do not take it personally, it has nothing to do with you. While you may be supportive and understanding, sometimes I am drowning in a pit of depression and I do not really know how to talk about it which hurts me even more. However, knowing that you are there for me creates a safe space for me to talk about it when I am able to. Even if you do not understand what I am going through, knowing that you are there to listen without judgment is supportive. Sometimes I just need someone to listen.
2. “How can I help?”
No matter how supportive you are, you will not fully grasp what I am going through. You do not know how to help me if you haven’t gone through it yourself. Even if you have, each one’s experience is different than the other’s. No one will know how to help me except myself. Only I can tell you how to help me. Sometimes all I need is for you to lend me your ear and listen to me without offering advice. Listen attentively to what I am saying rather than thinking you know better than I do.
3. “How about I come over for a movie or a walk?”
Sometimes when I am feeling down, I am unable to reach out or make plans with people. I may not necessarily want to go out but your presence will make a difference for me. A simple walk or a cozy visit in my home will probably help me. .
4. “I can only imagine how difficult this is for you “
No two people have the same experience..Even if you have experienced anxiety or a depressive episode, your experience will still be different from mine. Do not compare and expect that your solutions will apply to my own experience. Just because it worked for you, it does not mean that it will work for me.
5. “I love you”
When I am depressed and anxious, I am often feeling like no one loves me. It is nice to be reminded that I am surrounded by my family and friends who care about me. Tell me how you feel about me, remind me that I am loved. It is always nice when people hear that they are loved but it is specifically important to me when I am constantly thinking that I am not worthy of love.
6. “I believe in you, you’re very strong”
A lot of the time, I feel defeated.. I can have a hard time believing in myself. One way to support me is to remind me that I am strong for surviving and coping with such a difficult situation.
7. “How are you coping?”
Having a mental illness is like being stuck in a maze without hope to find a way out. I am often finding myself out of ways to feel better. Ask me how I am coping, before you assume that I do not already have mechanisms in place. If I’m struggling to find a way to cope, it is nice to know that you care and I may actually ask you to provide me with ideas.
8. “Would you like a hug?”
Physical contact is very important. However, do not always assume that I am in need of a hug. If I am anxious, in most cases I probably will be needing my own space. However, if I am in need of a hug, I probably won’t tell you, so it is nice that you ask.
9. “You are worthy”
Depression and mental illness at times may have a significant effect on how I perceive myself. My self confidence is shaky and my self esteem is low. I am often feeling guilty, torturing myself on the inside, judgie myself, and treat myself much worse than I would other people. Tell me that I am worthy, that I am loved, that I am deserving. Hearing all that from someone else is a good way to remind me that I deserve better and that I need to treat myself better.
10. “You are not alone “
Depression and anxiety can often lead me to isolate myself, and eventually I end up feeling alienated and lonely. Remind me that I am not alone, that you are here for me and that I can reach out to you whenever I need.
If one of your loved ones is suffering from mental illness, it is important to not only educate yourself about it but to also read on the right ways to support them. Sometimes intentions can be good but the way is misguided and in that case, it is not going to be helpful. Keep these tips in mind!
Featured Photo by Courtney Cook on Unsplash
