You know the type: the people who won’t stop calling, who want to be with you at all times, and who need your constant approval and praise. Those people are what we call needy people. A needy person is best defined as someone who needs your constant attention, who has or exhibits an excessive emotional need, and who wants constant intimacy or reassurance.
While everyone wants their needs and wants to be met, there is a line between an acceptable limit of wants and needs and an unacceptable limit, to where you’re being overbearing and annoying. If you are a needy person, you’ll find that some people don’t mind your level of wants and needs and others will be annoyed by them and will feel like they cannot stand you.
However, it’s not fair to treat needy people with no respect. In most cases it’s not their fault they don’t trust themselves and see themselves as strong, admirable, and dependable. Sometimes a personal hatred for needy people can come from a place of self-hatred and seeing your own insecurities in another person, and you flinch and turn away from them.
That’s why some people can’t help but developing a needy personality because we all want our feelings to be reciprocated and some people need that more than others.
We also are all social animals who have wants and needs. However, some people have a greater fear of rejection and therefore they tend to be needier than others.
Common Habits & Behaviors of Needy People
Needy people develop stronger feelings of neediness because they are more easily triggered by fear, violence, disappointment, frustration, and sadness. They let those feelings affect their feelings, thoughts, and behavior and therefore are thought of as a “needy person.”
This can be a challenge if you’re friends with these types of people or come across a person who you think is needy. Therefore, you need to know the common needy behaviors and how to deal with needy people so you don’t trigger them.
1. They are very clingy.
Needy people are the most clingy type of people. They always need your attention, constant reassurance, and validation. Therefore they’re going to call, text, and ask you to hang out 24/7.
They want to be included and never left out of anything because they have a huge fear of FOMO. They do this because they feel as if another person needs to fill their void so they are never stuck alone.
2. They are insecure and have low self-esteem.
A needy person is easy to spot because of their obvious and upsetting level of self-esteem. They are so unconfident and insecure that they can make other people feel very uncomfortable.
They are like this because they distrust themselves so much they can’t even spot the great parts of them. Maybe they got bullied for many years and their level of self-confidence plummeted at some point.
3. Needy people don’t know how to communicate what they really want and need.
Needy people are needy because they don’t know how to communicate their wants and needs as they never ask for help. They are so insecure and feel way too vulnerable to let others know how they really feel as the fear of getting hurt could crush them.
This is due to their low-self esteem as they can’t even recognize what they really want and need. They often need the help of others to help them recognize their wants and needs them and that can be very frustrating for the other person.
4. Needy people ask favors but don’t return them.
Needy people can sometimes be so oblivious when they ask friends, partners, and family members something they won’t even think of how to return the favor. They expect people to help them with their every need and don’t expect others to ask them back because they expect the other person doesn’t need help.
They are like this because they believe they are in need of help more than you because they believe you are much more confident, successful, and wouldn’t expect you to ask for the same because they believe you don’t need help.
5. They ask for help with the smallest things.
This is why it can get annoying for others to help needy people because they have such a low level of self-confidence they believe they will ruin or do something wrong even for the smallest number of things. They might ask what to wear, how they should respond to a text, and what to say even on a date.
They do this because they don’t trust themselves with even the smallest of things. In fact, they will overthink everything and stress themselves out so much, they’d rather someone else do it for them.
6. They like to be the center of attention.
Forget your problems, a needy person needs everyone to be concerned and worried about their own problems so they aren’t alone in their thoughts. They don’t want you talking to other people because you need to be talking to them and want your full attention.
Needy people, maybe even without noticing it, will always turn every conversation back around to themselves and it’s out of habit. They want others to always be helping them, taking care of them, and listening to them so they aren’t drowning in their own thoughts and FOMO.
7. They can be very manipulative.
Needy people can use their guilt on others to be very manipulative and get their way. They make others feel bad for not wanting or not having the time to talk to them or be there for them and they don’t realize why this is bad.
This hurts the other person because they feel guilty for not fulfilling the needy person’s wants and needs.
They do this because they know through manipulation anything is possible and guilt can make a person do more to prove themselves worthy to the needy person, which is what the needy person wanted this whole time.
A typical needy person can have narcissistic tendencies such as being manipulative and selfish, however, it’s because they are deeply insecure.
8. They won’t take responsibility for themselves or their actions.
They don’t take responsibility for another and they don’t like to have a lot on their shoulders so they try to put some weight onto yours and the balance is not fair at all.
This is because a needy person knows they can make others feel bad for them and can get away with stuff like this maybe even without seeing how this can create a lot of resentment towards them.
9. They are very jealous.
Needy people tend to be clingy to either a partner or friend when they feel like there is a threat like a new friend who makes them feel insecure and they get jealous very easily. They won’t want to accept new people or friends that could take away from their friends, and therefore make that person feel uncomfortable.
They do this because once again they are so insecure they are jealous of any other person who embodies what they wish they looked like or wish they had that same personality and such.
10. They need validation 24/7.
A needy person needs a boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend’s validation constantly. They see everyone else as a threat and they don’t like feeling uncomfortable, they can’t stand the feeling of not being good enough.
This can be very exhausting. A needy person will do this because they constantly want your comfort and reassurance.
How to Deal with a Needy Person
A needy person can be toxic if you have a hard time creating and enforcing boundaries with them. A needy personality can be suffocating and emotionally exhausting, so it’s important to learn how to deal with them.
When dealing with a needy person, the first thing you should know is that you cannot give them every ounce of your attention, help, and time because then they will take advantage of you and you’ll feel emotionally and physically exhausted.
These tips are very important to listen to and take to heart if you’re dealing with a needy person or a needy friend.
1. Give them attention sparingly.
You never want to give a needy person your full and undivided attention because they will want to expect that from your every time and that can be very exhausting to you. Don’t let them always complain to you and ask for support for the same things.
2. Pull back from them if you need to.
If they are acting way too clingy and more needy than normal don’t let that affect you. You need to take a step back and tell them you need a break and that you can only do so much and that now it’s getting to a point where you need a break from them.
3. Set boundaries and be patient.
Sometimes needy people need to know when to stop doing something and need another person to call them out. You can always be patient, caring, and supportive, however, if they’re expecting too much help from you that’s not your place to do so, then tell them that this crosses a line and your established boundaries.
What to Do if You Think You’re a Needy Person
If you think you’re a needy person after reading the traits of a needy person then there are some things that you can do to help yourself and therefore help your friends from yourself.
First, you can give the people who you constantly go to for help some space. Give them a break from you, and some space to finally breathe.
If you are an emotionally needy person and constantly need to be talking about yourself, then you should think about getting therapy. No one else can fix your insecurities other than yourself.
Get treatment from a mental health professional if you believe your neediness is stemming from possibly depression or anxiety.
Lastly, try to notice when you express these traits and recognize why it’s wrong and over time try to build more confidence in yourself as well.
Originally written by Megan Hatch on YourTango
Featured image via RODNAE Productions on Pexels
