Are you a stage-five clinger? Do you rely on a man for everything? Do you believe that couples should be so close, sharing everything from every second of each other’s time to telling each other every single thing? Or do you schedule things around every guy you have even an inch of feelings for?
You might be a needy, needy Nancy. And neediness is not attractive or healthy.
Wanting someone is healthy and normal. But neediness that turns into needing someone in order to sustain your happiness, livelihood or self-esteem is downright toxic. You might not even realize how much your neediness is impacting your ability to have real lasting relationships.
Here are 14 signs your neediness is scaring men away.
1. He often asks you for space.
Things start out great, the chemistry is on point… but then, he asks for space. If this happens more than once or twice, you may be clinging too hard to him.
Sure, there can be other reasons a guy can request space like his inability to be emotionally available or his desire to avoid commitment, but if this happens to you often, you may be clinging too hard.
2. He starts going out with friends all the time.
Couples should certainly spend time separately and with their respective friends. But if a guy starts going out with friends all the time and doesn’t want to spend as much time with you, you might be pushing too hard. It can also mean he’s lost feelings, is cheating, or is avoiding commitment.
3. He wonders where your friends are.
Does he ask you where your friends went? Does he encourage you to see them more often than you are? And does he suggest you see that chick flick with your girls and not him? He may be concerned you’re depressed (or just avoiding a crappy movie), or he could feel like you’re spending too much time together and not having any of his own time.
4. He tells you to back off.
Is he telling you that you are pressuring him? He may feel like you’ve sunk your claws into him — literally — so back off, kitten.
5. He will “yes” you to death.
Has he started saying yes to everything, avoiding deeper conversations or explaining himself? He may feel like he’s being asked to do too much from you.
6. He scolds you for not being independent.
If he’s telling you that you’re not independent or is asking you why you can’t do anything alone, that’s a big fat indicator that he thinks you’re needy, clingy and co-dependent.
But let’s not forget some signs you can start seeing in yourself that say you are super needy:
7. You want to be stuck to his side every waking moment.
You suggest you spend all your free time together with him, and he feels suffocated.
8. You need his permission first.
Are you always asking him for permission or advice about everything? Even the smallest things? Needy, needy, needy!
9. Your list of demands is biblical.
He never feels like he can do enough for you, because you’ve got a long list of requirements that you expect from him.
10. You never give him a minute to himself.
When he’s gone, you reach out constantly and want communication from him repeatedly. It’s nice to want to be in touch, but your fear of him being out of your sight is just way too much.
11. You really don’t like him having friends.
Sure, you don’t want him to be BFFs with his ex-girlfriend. Understood. But you don’t encourage him to enjoy any friends, family, or hobbies without you. In fact, it’s frowned upon!
12. You live by his opinions.
You can’t think for yourself, really. You never have an opinion that’s against his. And you seem afraid to.
13. You rely on him for happiness.
And that’s a lot of pressure on one human being! No one can be your everything, but to you, he has to be.
14. You don’t know what to do with yourself when he’s gone.
If he goes away for work, you have no other friends or people to be with. What happened to the friends you had before him?
It’s healthy to want someone and to want to be close and spend time together. It’s healthy to ask for someone’s help and advice. The issue starts when one person is your everything.
Healthy people don’t behave this way. They have happy lives and see a partner as an addition to an already good life, not the be-all, end-all.
Originally written by Laura Lifshitz on YourTango
Photo by Mathilde Langevin on Unsplash
