Let’s be real: Life with kids is hectic, to say the least. In many cases, both parents are running full steam between work and family life, which often means romance goes out the window. As a result, many couples notice a significant dip in sexual intimacy after they have kids. Over time, this lack of sex can destroy communication and other parts of the relationship.
The idea of scheduling sex has gotten more and more attention in recent years. But some married couples worry that scheduled sex isn’t organic enough to be really enjoyable. According to the experts (and lots of married couples out there!), though, scheduled sex really isn’t all that bad.
Scheduling Sex Helps Navigate Logistics
While spontaneous sex is exciting and enjoyable, it can seem impossible to pull off once kids enter the picture. Between you and your partner’s work schedules, the kids’ needs, and everything life throws your way, you may go weeks or even months without sex if you only let it happen organically. Over time, this can leave both partners feeling neglected and even resentful, which can cause even more issues in your relationship.
In an article for Psychology Today, licensed clinical social worker Robert Taibbi explains how scheduled sex can help couples overcome the logistical roadblocks that often interfere with sexual intimacy. Like anything else you pencil on your calendar, you can plan and prioritize sex when it’s scheduled. It lets you map out a game plan for what to do with the kids and arrange your schedule around that date.
Scheduling sex also lets you plan around emotional hurdles, which spontaneous sex doesn’t allow for. Things like stressful work meetings or late-night family gatherings can leave one partner drained and not in the mood to “get it on.” When you schedule sex, though, you can plan around these things and pick days that you and your partner feel like you’ll be most “in the mood” for physical intimacy.
Putting Sex On The Calendar Opens Other Doors
Scheduling sex doesn’t just help you navigate logistics, though. It also opens the door for better communication and connection. In fact, it can help you and your partner create deeper intimacy and enjoyment.
During an interview with Insider, licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Jenn Mann explains that scheduling sex not only opens doors for guaranteed quality time but also helps you and your partner more adequately explore your sexual desires. When sex is on the calendar in advance, you and your partner can plan all the things you’d like to try. For example, you can buy lingerie, sex toys, or something ‘risqué’ to watch together. You can also plan out a roleplay or explore new positions — whatever sounds most enticing!
Scheduled Sex Can Still Feel Spontaneous
Yes, you wrote your sex date on the calendar. But have you planned out the details yet? What’s going to happen? Who will take the lead? What will you wear? According to an article on Bustle, so many questions can remain unanswered until that night.
By keeping some of the details to yourself, you and your partner can create a sense of spontaneity and fun around your scheduled sex dates. In fact, you can even take turns planning out the night, so you each get the opportunity to show one another what you enjoy the most.
Furthermore, you can make it feel spontaneous by adding some suggestive hints beforehand and engaging in plenty of foreplay. Believe it or not, a quick “spicy” text at lunchtime or a sensual massage before you jump in between the sheets can really make things feel more organic. All of these things can help you and your partner feel more comfortable with the situation, even if it feels strange and different at first.
At the end of the day, sex is an integral part of any healthy relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together. Unfortunately, life with children gets hectic, and that can sometimes throw off your sex game if you don’t get creative with your approach. Remember that scheduling sex isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact, it’s a necessity for many busy couples.
Previously published on Moms.com.
Photo by Katerina Holmes from Pexels
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