I’m Watching Our Friendship Slip Away & There’s Nothing I Can Do

I remember the first time we met. I don’t think I’ve ever clicked with someone so fast before in my life. The moment we met, a friendship was made. I knew that I had someone to lean on, to always look for in a room, and who would always be there for me. For the first time in my life I had someone to look up to as an older sister. And for the past ten years, that’s who you’ve always been to me. I knew I could always count on you. 

No matter how sh*tty life got, you were always there. For a drive, talk, nail date. I knew that you were my forever friend. 

I never questioned our friendship. You’ve always meant the world to me, and I thought it was the same for you. But lately I’m second-guessing our entire friendship. It really breaks my heart.

There was a miscommunication between us — a big one — and I tried to rectify it. And instead of you taking the high road and acknowledging it, you decided it was best to be silent and not associate with me. You walked around as if nothing had happened. You claim you were giving me space. But instead you wedged a space between us, and I’m scared we’ll never go back to how we once were.  

I didn’t realize how loud silence can be until we stopped speaking to each other.

Instead of our usual laughter, and regular chatting, there was silence. I’m experiencing what it feels like to be shut out by someone who means the world to me. You’re not giving me eye contact, your back is constantly turned toward me, and you’re physically removing yourself from the situation if we are the only ones in the room. 

How can you be so OK with treating me like this? Why is it OK for you to be in a crappy mood, but the second I’m upset there’s an issue? Can you please explain it to me? Because since this has happened, I’ve had to hold back tears while you walk past me silently. I’m just wishing I’d get a smile, or joke out of you, instead of the blank stares and quick shuffle of the feet so you don’t need to associate with me.

There’s so much I want to say to you, but because I’m so hurt and frustrated, I don’t want to say anything. The one thing I do know is that I don’t have someone in my life who I can think of as a little sister, but if I did, I know I would sure as hell not be treating her like this. I would speak to her and explain my feelings toward the situation.

I feel like we’re in a contest to see who can go the longest without speaking to the other person. And we both know damn well that it’s not supposed to be like this. I miss you, and I miss having our relationship be the way it used to be. 

If something’s wrong, tell me. If you’re mad at me, say it. 

I can’t tell if I did something wrong or if there’s another underlying issue. But if you don’t speak to me, how am I supposed to know? 

I’m scared to see the ending to this friendship. I don’t want to see the end of it. You’re supposed to be my person. But if we need to go our separate ways, I understand that as well. I just wish it didn’t end like this. Please, just let me know what’s wrong.

I love you, I miss you.

Xoxo,

Your little sister

Featured image via Liza Summer on Pexels