He’s the perfect height. He has perfect hands. You love his sister. You love his scent. He is perfect and everything about him is perfect by association. The problem is that he just put you through a breakup. Now you’re never going to find love again. Right?
Wrong.
Learning how to get over a breakup — especially one that ended on bad terms — can seem impossible. You truly loved this man, but he didn’t feel the same way, and he let you go. Even the best breakup quotes can’t pull you out of your slump. Will you ever move on?
Instead of wallowing, here are 10 things to remember during a breakup that will get you through the pain.
1. You’re supposed to be miserable.
Depression is never easy, but in this case, it might be a necessary first step in adjusting to your post-breakup life. Indulge in your misery. Rent sad movies, vent about your ex, and listen to Coldplay on repeat. Be sad until you bore yourself from being sad. Eventually, you’ll realize that being happy is more fun.
2. He’s not dying.
You’re losing the relationship, not the person. If you love this guy and you need him to be in your life, he can be in your life. Focus on what’s actually going on here, and resist the urge to “awfulize.”
Though the transition from girlfriend to “girl friend” may be unpleasant, the end result is having someone in your life who really cares about you. Your relationship may not have lasted, but that doesn’t mean your friendship won’t.
3. If he doesn’t think you’re right for each other, you’re not right for each other.
The person you ultimately end up with will feel as sure about you as you feel about him. If your now-ex doesn’t have a good feeling about your relationship now, he’s sparing both of you the agony of an even harder breakup later.
You shouldn’t stay in a relationship that doesn’t feel right to one of the people in it.
4. If you are right for each other, he needs time to figure it out.
Couples do get back together, but even if you do eventually, you’re going to have to take some time apart. If your ex comes around, it will be because the distance made him realize how stupid he was to let you go in the first place, which could lay the foundation for a much stronger relationship in the future.
Chances are, by the time your ex realizes he wants you, you’ll have moved on anyway.
5. It wasn’t always good.
After a breakup, your mind tortures you with the good memories and forgets about the bad ones, but you know deep down that the guy had some problems. Maybe he hated going out, had annoying friends, or didn’t like dogs.
Right now, it seems he could do no wrong, but at some point, you’ll remember that you had your doubts too. You’ll have proof when someone new comes along that you click with in ways you never thought possible.
6. Healing from a breakup takes time.
Don’t beat yourself up about not getting over this guy in a matter of weeks or months. A breakup is a loss, and all loss has a mourning period.
It’s important to give yourself the time to grieve before you move on. You can’t learn a language overnight, you can’t learn a sport overnight, and you can’t learn to get over your ex overnight.
7. You will find someone.
Your last relationship proves that you are capable of loving someone and sharing yourself with him. Just because this guy’s not the right one doesn’t mean that the right guy doesn’t exist. You just haven’t found him yet.
Don’t make yourself crazy wondering what will happen if you never meet the right person. That’s like stressing out about getting hit by a truck tomorrow.
8. Enjoy your freedom now.
Since you’re single, you might as well have your fun now. When else can you live your life with no strings attached? Now you can stay out as late as you want, travel impulsively, and flirt with whomever, whenever.
You can finally have guy friends again, and you don’t have to check in with anyone. You don’t need to worry about anyone’s reaction to a new outfit or hair color. Though being single may seem scary at first, it’s a rare opportunity to be selfish after a lifetime of prioritizing others.
9. Put your breakup in perspective.
A breakup is one of many events that comprise your life experiences. Chances are, this relationship is going to be a small fraction of your entire life — and not even the most significant fraction.
Your career, family, friends, and travels all contributed to your identity. Without your most recent other half, you still have a whole with a lifetime of experiences ahead of you.
10. You were happy before you knew your ex.
Right now, you may feel like this will be The Year of the Breakup, but everything could change. This might be the year when you meet the love of your life. Leave yourself open to possibilities — you never know what’s around the bend.
If you’re struggling after a recent breakup, remember these simple mantras, and repeat them when you need some words of encouragement. You will find love again, and your next partner could be “the one!”
Originally written by michelle haimoff on YourTango.
Photo by H.F.E & Co Studio on Unsplash
