There was a time I hated being alone. I dreaded loneliness and saw it as a plague. While others struggled to set aside some -me time- I always looked for opportunities to hang out with a group of friends. I was anxious anytime I had plan-free weekends or spent more than an hour without talking or spending time with someone else. I clung to loveless relationships, planless weekends traumatized me, and I bugged my friends with texts just to have people to talk to. I had to do all I could to maintain friends.
I had to press the pause button when I realized the fear of being lonely was leading to a depressing lifestyle. I smiled when I was with people but drowned in sadness when I was alone. I had to pause and discover the beauty and comfort of enjoying my own company. It didn’t happen instantly. It took research, seeking help from a professional, and reading lots of self-help resources to enjoy time alone. I got to discover the beauty of spending time alone. I developed habits and hobbies that made the discovery process easy. I’ll share how I overcame the fear and started enjoying solo moments.
Why The Fear?
I wouldn’t have discovered the beauty of “me time” if I didn’t talk to a professional and understood why I feared spending time alone. I didn’t know that fear was a real problem and it had the power to destroy lives.
I had to go back to my past and trace where the fear emerged from. It helped me unchain myself from that situation. It’s vital to understand why you fear your own company to help you work through the agitation of being alone.
Accept Solitude
It did not stop at understanding the root cause. I had to work through and learn to accept spending time alone.
Spending time by yourself is a choice but a good choice for your body and mind. I stopped seeing time spent alone as loneliness but solitude. I didn’t see it as being socially isolated. I saw it as a time set aside to relax and rejuvenate. I stopped associating time spent alone with negative emotions. I made it a choice instead of something that I ought to do. I realized it was better than the life lived on the dance floor. It was more serene. I didn’t have to hunch or please anybody to feel accepted.
The solo moments were great for personal growth as well. I felt I was enough. I didn’t have to tolerate loveless relationships just to belong.
Practice Self-Compassion
I am still learning how to be kind to myself, talk myself out of negative emotions, and practice mindfulness. I learned that self-compassion provides more satisfaction and happiness than struggling to feel socially connected. Being kind, mindful, and stopping self-criticism will help you enjoy your time alone. It will help you develop a stable relationship with yourself and prevent you from willing power to the inner critic.
Find Fun Ways to Spend Time with Yourself
Indulge in fun activities as you learn more about and develop relationships with yourself. I actively planned how I would enjoy time by myself. I always had a to-do list and ensured I checked off the list each time I did a solo activity on my schedule. Over time, the to-do list transformed into habits and hobbies that helped me break free from associating time alone with loneliness.
I picked old and new hobbies. I had a chopper bike I had not used for a decade. I gave it a little touch-up and took it for solo rides on Sunday afternoons. I signed up for cooking classes and set aside one night a week to experiment and prepare something new for myself. I also started journaling and found a new liking for photography and painting. I didn’t know I could sustain a self-care routine. I created one and stuck to it.
I moved from extreme fear of my own company to enjoying and looking forward to “me time.” I did it. So, you can too. All you need is the will to start it and be intentional with the whole process. A new hobby may help you discover and form a loving relationship with yourself. Also, learn to associate alone time with positive emotions. Get rid of destruction that makes it hard to enjoy time alone. And if you feel you can’t do it alone, talk to someone.
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