The worst part of dating is when someone breaks your heart. And it’s tough to put yourself out there repeatedly after having a bad dating experience. But to find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you have to put yourself out there and learn to love again. If you never take the risk to find love, you never will. So, to find your soulmate, you have to take steps to protect your heart while being vulnerable and open.
It’s a delicate balance you have to figure out. But when you find that person who understands you above all else, the hoops it feels like you have to jump through to find the right person will be worth it.
I know how hard it is to put yourself out there after being hurt.
But we all crave physical, intimate, and intellectual connections. Every human deserves to find love in life. And sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you find the prince that makes your heart skip a beat.
The most crucial part is to realize that you deserve to be loved and never let anyone tell you otherwise.
If you are still hesitant to put yourself out there after getting your heart broken, think about all the positive things that could happen when you meet that special someone. If you take it slow, as experts suggest, you can get to know each other more and more. It will ease some of your fears and help them gain your trust.
If you don’t even know where to start putting yourself out there or the steps you need to take so that you can learn to love again, here is a list of 12 ways you can start working on yourself to find love again while also keeping your heart protected.
1. Open up to the idea of love again
As humans, we are quick to start shutting everyone else out when we’re hurt. We never want to put ourselves in the same position so we don’t get hurt again. But you have to try to be willing to open your heart to love, even when you are afraid, to find someone to have an intimate life with.
2. Let yourself be vulnerable
It can be hard to let yourself be vulnerable with someone after getting hurt. But intimacy requires you to express your vulnerable side.
You have to let yourself show all your vulnerabilities. And if you are with the right person, they will understand and appreciate you. Opening yourself up to someone is a high form of trust. The right person will respect you for who you are and what you have been through. Your perfect match will be honored with your trust and willingness to be vulnerable.
3. Leave your heartbreak in the past
Sometimes when you get heartbroken, it can be hard to let go. But sometimes it’s the best thing you can do. You have to let go of the past to move on into the future. It’s all going to be OK. And just because it happened in the past doesn’t mean it will happen again.
What is the better option? Being alone for the rest of your life or taking a chance and putting yourself out there again?
4. Trust
Sometimes you have to trust the world again, even after being hurt so many times. Trust can be hard to come by, but it will all be worth it because when you learn to trust again, you have the opportunity of falling in love again.
5. Learn from your past relationship failures
Relationships are tough, and it can be challenging to understand your partner at many points. You can even feel betrayed or confused about what happened in your relationship. But all you can do is learn from your past relationships to have a more fulling relationship in the future.
As you experience more, you become more understanding so that you know how to handle different circumstances as they occur in the future.
6. Try not to become bitter or resentful
It’s easy to fall into the bottomless pits of despair and resent people for what they have done to you. You just have to believe that everything will be OK. And as you stay positive, everything will get better. You have to start focusing on a more positive outlook on relationships.
I’m not saying to forgive and forget, but rather accept what happened for what it is and then accept things for what they were.
7. Break down the walls
We all have that fault where we close ourselves off and put up walls to protect ourselves and our hearts from being hurt again. But you have to start opening yourself up to the possibility.
Without taking the chance, you keep yourself from finding true love. It’s OK to be a bit guarded against being hurt, but you don’t want to shut everything down so that you can never find someone to share your life with.
8. Accept the risk
Sometimes you have to open yourself to the risk of being hurt for the chance to find your soulmate. Unfortunately, nothing in life is guaranteed. So you just have to accept that there might be a strong chance that things may not turn out the way you expect, but you will never know unless you take the chance.
9. Go slow
After you have had your heart broken, it’s a good idea to take your next relationship slow. Don’t dive right in with your head first. You have to take the time to get to know someone before you actually commit. If you are with the right person, they will wait and go as slowly as you need. Never let someone push you to do something you are not ready for.
Remember to always proceed with caution.
10. Be honest
It’s always important to be open and honest with yourself and your partner about what you want and need. When you have been hurt before, you should let your significant other know what you have gone through. That way, they can check and make sure you are still OK as your relationship progresses.
It will also help you because you know you can be open and honest with them about how you are feeling. It’s so important for you not to just let your emotions go because that’s not fair to you.
A relationship is a balancing act that takes specific actions to keep it from becoming one-sided. You just have to be honest, and everything will work out the way it’s meant to.
11. Stop comparing
When you start comparing yourself to others — yes, I know you do it, we all do — you start trying to talk yourself out of being with someone. It’s easy to slip into the mindset that “oh, this person would probably want someone prettier, sexier, taller, sassier…”
But, instead of putting yourself down, realize that this person is with you for a reason. It may be that you have the most beautiful, breathtaking eyes that they cannot look away from or something personality-wise that is just alluring. They are with you, not someone else, because they want to be with you.
12. Remember that you are lovable
Lastly, you have to remember that you are loved and are a person that can be loved. You are worthy of being loved, and you deserve it. Never let anyone tell you that you are not worthy of being loved because you are. And there is someone out there that will love you for who you are — you just have to find that person.
Originally written by Emily Francos on YourTango
