Throughout my life, love has been something that I’ve always been infatuated with. The idea of being with someone who loves you for you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Someone to love you when you feel unloveable. Someone who is your soulmate and someone who makes you feel that you’re lucky in love.
I haven’t been “lucky in love” in a minute.
Life is insane, and honestly, as much as I would love to find someone, love isn’t always the first thing on my mind. I work, go to school, and have a crazy home life. So love has been on the back burner for a while.
I’ve tried dating apps, and I’ve tried putting myself out there, but for me, it just doesn’t work. It sometimes feels like no one will ever love me. So it makes me think, “is there something wrong with me?” And there isn’t.
I was talking to a friend the other day. There’s a guy I’m into, and it really seems like we have so much potential to be together, but right now, the timing isn’t right, and things are crazy for both of us. We’re both at different points in our lives, and it feels like our lives don’t match up despite our chemistry and relationship. And it hit me.
“What’s the rush? I’m meant to be a wife, not a girlfriend.”
I feel like most people my age are looking for hookups and flings lately. We’re drawn to the people we meet at bars and clubs because they’re fun for the night, and we ignore the ones we meet who we can have connections with if we give them a chance. And that doesn’t work for me.
I’m not meant to just be “fun for a night”; I’m someone who is meant to love and love deeply. When I think of love, I see a commitment. I don’t see one-night stands or breaking up and getting back together constantly. I see a future, whether marriage or choosing to stay together through everything. But if I’m going to love you and be with you, you’re stuck with me, and that’s all I can say. I’m not here to play games and get my heart broken by you. If I’m dating you, it’s because I see a future with you.
If people want other things, then that’s fine. But it’s not what I want, and I refuse to lower my standards for anything else. Just because of what the norms are these days.
Now, back to the guy I was talking about. I was telling my friend that maybe things aren’t working out right now because he’s not meant to find his wife yet. Maybe my love life has been on pause because we’re going to have the most amazing love story, but we have time until things work themselves out. And then, suddenly, everything will make sense. I know that good things can take some time.
Or maybe that’s not the case. Maybe I’m totally wrong about this (But I have a good feeling about this guy).
But whatever it is, I’m not scared to wait for the right love story, regardless of who it is with. I just know I’m worthy of the love that I want, and no one can tell me otherwise.
And to that guy (if you’re even reading this), if the time comes and you’re ready for a wife, come find me. If it’s meant to be, I’ll be here.
Featured image via Ceejay Talam on Pexels
